Comments on: Let’s Just Talk About It

By: blueviolet

blueviolet — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 01:23:10 +0000

I’m here by way of Six Flower Mom.

By the very nature of the fact I’m a woman and my husband is a man, everything we say is not received in the way it was intended. Somehow with the difference in genders, the transfer goes wonky. It’s an ongoing struggle trying to understand each other’s ways of thinking.
blueviolet´s last blog ..Dream On

By: Teresha@ Marlie and Me

Teresha@ Marlie and Me — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:07:41 +0000

“Perhaps the longer a couple is together the more filters we construct”…this is going to echo in my head. I’ve recently noticed that while I’m talking my husband strains my words as if he’s throwing away the content he thinks doesn’t matter. it’s so frustrating! he swears he’s THE great communicator. I know we both need to work on our listening skills. It’s so refreshing to read someone who likes to do the hard work of marriage.

p.s. came by from Six Flower Mom
Teresha@ Marlie and Me´s last blog ..Many T.H.A.N.K.S.

By: Hilary

Hilary — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:44:04 +0000

My own internal dialogue is the one I have to watch. I can easily interpret things negatively when brought up as a matter of fact and not criticism or complaint. I’m pretty good at communicating what I want to say just not at being on the receiving end… sometimes.
Hilary´s last blog ..The Fire of Autumn

By: this new place

this new place — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 18:30:54 +0000

I am a firm believer that we are responsible for speaking what we need to speak and not responsible for how the other reacts…my guy is not always terribly tactful and catches himself mid-sentence sometimes and falters saying, “I hope this doesn’t come across as BAD because it isn’t my intention” and then I usually cry because how he said it might hurt, but what he said was honest and I needed to hear it. In that regard, he leaves me to phone calls and conversations that require tact and sensitivity, not because he isn’t sensitive but more that he is insecure in being that way sometimes.
this new place´s last blog ..A gift

By: midlifeslices

midlifeslices — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:17:26 +0000

wow wow wow, what your husband said was deep and beautiful and so right on.

I’m married to an “older man” too and find that when we do start having communication problems, it’s usually more of a perception problem on one or other of our parts. Sometimes the problems come from expectations such as when one of us expects the other to act/do just as they did 12 years ago and if/when that person doesn’t live up to the expectation then we/I (A) Think it must be my fault (B) Get upset and want to blame someone because it’s not as it use to be.

HUGS
midlifeslices´s last blog ..Is This Week Over Yet??

By: Joaquim Sanders

Joaquim Sanders — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:20:26 +0000

To quote Charles Darwin:

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

WE certainly have experienced lots of change in almost 15 years… I remember when we went to places and people would say: Your daughter… well, you were so young and I was younger!!!

You have grown from a terrific young lady into a smart, articulate, educated and classy woman… it is hard for me sometimes to make the distinction because I love the two of you!

Let’s face it… what 30 something woman fall for a guy with two grown up children, two almost teenagers, two ex-wives, and a much different culture? So, for selfish reasons I am glad you were only 23…

Life has taken us on an incredible journey of love and adventure… I look forward to continue that journey with you and our little son regardless of the turns!

Like someone I admired used to say: we only stumble when we move… and, thankfully, we are moving!!!

Forever and always

By: Pseudo

Pseudo — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:33:36 +0000

Wonderful post Tricia. Made me really think.

We have been going through some extremely tough times with our teen son. However, one good thing coming out of it is my husband and I have met on common ground to deal with the problem and we have gotten much closer.
Pseudo´s last blog ..

By: Amy @ Six Flower Mom

Amy @ Six Flower Mom — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:47:48 +0000

It seems when I think I have figured out how to communicate something changes. Relationships are work and communication is tough but the rewards can be wonderful. After 26 years of friendship and 17 years of marriage Dan and I still are trying to figure out how to communicate. But let me tell you something funny … the other night I was getting Willy ready for bed and asked Dan to grab me a “fleece diaper” (we do not own any fleece diapers only hemp diapers) Dan brought me the right thing and I said, “thanks.” He pouted and I said “what?” He said “I brought the right thing even though you said the wrong thing, I knew what you were talking about and you did not even notice.” What is one to do!!!!
Amy @ Six Flower Mom´s last blog ..A Cabin In The Woods

By: Lori

Lori — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:58:57 +0000

You are amazing my dear friend. Oh yes, I know these hard difficult conversations all too well. Thankfully I have a husband that hears and listens and does not judge. This post and all it’s honesty could not have come at a better time. Thank you Tricia. You have a wonderful husband. He knows he won the prize with finding you. You already know you found it with him. Things like this are not easy to talk about. Once again I must say that I love your honesty and realness. Tricia, I’m thankful for you tonight!
Lori´s last blog ..A letter to my 13 year old self…

By: Jan

Jan — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:56:12 +0000

All the damn time.

Beloved is a very in-your-face type of person (in case you hadn’t noticed LOL). He thrives on confrontation. Given the opportunity to discuss a subject, he’ll talk it to death. I, on the other hand, will often simply shut down when faced with confrontation; it’s an old defense mechanism that is dying a slow, painful death. Forced to talk, I’ll become terse and distant. It doesn’t make for the best of communications.

Which is not to say that we aren’t muddling our way through our very different communications styles, because we are. Or we wouldn’t still be together after 11 years.
Jan´s last blog ..Enchilada Casserole