Creating Her Own Moment With a Renewal of Vows
The growing baby hardly made a bump under the simple fabric of her wedding dress. It was the obligatory yellow sash tied around her waist that told her story and her fall from grace.
The 15-year-old girl from a nice Catholic family and her 18-year-old handsome knight didn’t need the help of a shotgun to declare their love and commitment in front of family, friends and God; they’d decided on their own to consummate the pregnancy with wedding vows and a priest, but her mother’s insistence that white was for virgins and a ceremony initiated by shameful acts didn’t justify too much joy or celebration left sadness lingering in the young bride’s heart.
Their love was young but honest, simple and enduring, and although their hearts were quite pure, their families’ intent to hush whispers and brand a fallen daughter enveloped the young couple’s promise in strife and dishonor.
After a small ceremony in July, 1971 the newlyweds put the beginning to rest and focused on creating a future. With the baby’s outline no longer hidden behind figureless clothing, the pregnant child was forced to abandon her honor roll status, drop out of school, and take to task the pending glory of motherhood. Only 33 days after her sixteenth birthday she did indeed birth her very own family, a baby to love-a daughter to share and dream and hope with.
She only allowed herself random moments to look toward the past and instead of letting sorrow linger for long, she busied herself with the present. As her family grew, this mother of daughters and a son found certain delights she’d never been allowed. While her children skipped through their own rites of passage-proms and weddings-moments when girls wear flowing dresses and stand with shoulders poised amidst declarations of beauty, she basked in her commitment to give her girls their moments. But sometimes, even when she tried to swallow hard, she accidentally tapped into that long ago sadness and wondered what it would feel like to have had a moment of her own.
For 38 years she’s raised her first child and her second and third. She’s welcomed a grandchild from each of her children while she and my father countered the odds and proved false the projections for failure when starting so young; still holding hands everywhere they saunter, their eyes gleam and dance at the sight of each other. It’s a romance of endurance and lives entwined, of history and memory and dreams fulfilled and let go, of youth turned middle age and the strength to be humble in a lover’s arms.
Now with clarity and the perspective of half a century rather than only a decade plus five, the bride’s life is enough pleasantly seasoned that she’s realized her moment long gone and wondered about didn’t have to be dictated by a family’s false values and fear of public scrutiny. The shame was not hers or his; it was handed to them by people proposing to love yet really only self enamored.
When my phone rang Monday night I’m sure my mother was wearing a small smile I can only imagine when she asked if I’d stand at her side together with my siblings while she and my father marry. My satirical tongue acted before my mind could engage, but immune to my sarcasm she chuckled and explained, it’s never too late.
She’ll choose her own garb absent any yellow sashes or embroidered disgrace. She’ll stand with her children and their children at the side of her husband to declare once again to love and honor the path they’ve traveled and the one they’ve yet to explore while we’ll rejoice and eat and dance and proudly witness her moment.
so beautiful. so so beautiful.
krista´s last blog .."me" time
I think this is the most lovely thing I’ve read in a very long time.
Way to go, Mrs. Tricia’s Mom.
Will we see pictures on Facebook? (she asks hopefully)
Jan´s last blog ..Mother of the Year I Ain’t, But They Seem to Be Okay…Amazingly
Congratulations to her! That’s a wonderful ending.
Smalltown Mom´s last blog ..The Following is a Special Report…Followed by Something Completely Different
What a lovely way to celebrate a long and strong love. I hope she wears white in celebration of the purity of their longstanding love for each other. Pictures…Please!!
Midlife Slices´s last blog ..But They Said It Works!
Tricia: you made me all emotional about this post… I am happy that your mom is going to have her day…. I can’t wait!!!!
Hey Donna, you are a star… and I am so proud of you for all you have done for yourself and family these last few months…
I miss you
This brought tears to my eyes…so very beautiful and what a testimony of their love and commitment. What a grand idea for them to do this. Your mom more then deserves her day to shine!
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Wow! I sm sitting here crying. Your Parents have always been a source of hope for me this is wonderful news and well deserved. Congratulations to all, what a strong woderful family.
Ok Tricia
I did not think that you could do it but you have, you have made me cry once again. Thank you for the wonderful story and it is so well written.It is amazing how you can put MY feelings in to words.
I look forward to this day as it has been along time coming.Yes with Kim as our photographer I am sure that there will be lots of very beautiful pictures.
XOXOX
There is nothing stronger than love and I just think this is wonderful news.
Donna & Doug: you should be so proud of yourselves! No matter what, relationship are tough and you guys have made it through so many Years! YEAH!
My love to both of you!
Amy @ Six Flower Mom´s last blog ..Swapperific Goodness
Wow. Rejoice, for sure.
patois´s last blog ..The Weekly Wonderings #114
Tricia, you are, as we already know, such a gifted writer. But your subject matter today is such a lovely story. Please post pictures here too as some of us (read me) don’t have facebook. I can’t wait. I’m with MLS white would be beautiful and symbolic as well. WOW! What a story!
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What a beautiful tribute to your mother.
tracy´s last blog ..I know I should trust my own instincts but…
I will definitely post pictures. The ceremony will be next July, so we have a whole year to have lots of fun planning and dress shopping. I’m so excited for them.
I love this so much! How wonderful that your parents overcame the odds and have been such a wonderful role model of a couple all these years. I wish them many more.
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Oh man, my heart is so full. What a beautiful post. I’m in need of more kleenex…seriously, we’re using toilet paper rolls (and I’m off to get some right now).
Happy renewal of vows and I can’t wait to see pictures!
~Shaye
Shaye´s last blog ..The last straw…
If Bear and I ever do get married, I am wearing a yellow sash in honor of all the women out there who had to endure the yellow sash of shame. I will wear it with pride.
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wicked step mom thank you.
What a beautiful love story and tribute to your mother.
It gave me goosebumps! Congratulations to your parents and I hope their special day fills your mothers heart so full of love…she won’t be able to remember anything sad ever again.
Monica´s last blog ..The Little Furr Babies
“The shame was not hers or his; it was handed to them by people proposing to love yet really only self enamored.” — Oh so true of so many who like to sling guilt like a weapon, but what a powerful turn around! Thank you for the peek inside a great family story.
Lori Hoeck´s last blog ..Three ways a narcissist can take control
Oh, that’s so beautiful! So moving. I LOVED this, Tricia!
Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Insecure? Me? I Laugh (a little too loudly) at Your Accusations.
Beautiful story and lovely resolution. Well written and thank you for sharing
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