Comments on: Redefining Normal

By: Tricia

Tricia — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:45:05 +0000

@Nurit: It’s true that I’ve struggled over the years to understand certain things, to understand the power of denial and in may ways I still find myself searching for answers, but I’ve come to realize there are somethings for which I’ll never find the answers. Regardless of how many questions I ask or how I twist the finely-threaded needle, there are simply some things that I just have to accept and move on from there. My hope is that in sharing stories and starting conversations, we’ll help other people to see the power denial can have and how in fact when we face demons it’s so much more powerful and so much more liberating than when we hide. Thank you for coming back, and I’m quite sure much more of this story will end up here on Shout. It just seems to come in spurts. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for, or at least the sense of peace asking the questions may bring.

By: Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food. — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:35:52 +0000

I kept thinking about this post and had to come back.
It sounds to me like you are trying to understand how your family’s mind works and maybe forgive them?
As Krista above says about the “cycle passed down to them” – this must be stopped. This is on my mind a lot lately. Why do parents hide behind their own crappy childhood as an excuse to give their own kids a crappy one too instead of doing it differently? This is really a chance for such people to heal, only when they treat others better, not the same or even worse.

By: Smart Mouth Broad

Smart Mouth Broad — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:42:33 +0000

Normal is a relative thing and it’s heartbreaking to think about what some people’s idea of normal must be. Thank you, Tricia for your story and your wisdom. Your strength will make a difference to those who are weaker.
Smart Mouth Broad´s last blog ..ALL THINGS BLOG

By: Tricia

Tricia — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:19:54 +0000

@Krista: The secrets really are the worst. I’m not sure why we don’t talk about the very realy fact that so many boys are sexually assulted. We’ve put a female face to survivors, but we rarely envision the face of a little boy. We need to.

By: krista

krista — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 03:55:42 +0000

most of my female friends have been abused. according to the statistics, so have a lot of my male friends but no one ever talks about that.
i watch my own love with our daughter and marvel at the real men who don’t respect boundaries because they’re supposed to but because there is no other way for them. i’m fortunate enough to know that not all men are sociopaths, pedophiles, abusive or just plain living the cycle passed down to them.
i don’t know where i’m going with this. but i agree with the need to talk about it, confront it, give it a name. the secrets are the worst.

By: Tricia

Tricia — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:05:03 +0000

@Patricia: I love what you said about needing to talk openly about life. It’s how we learn from failures and share successes and move forward. @Vered: Thanks so much for the comment and for the stumble and tweet. Big huge hug to you for the support. I really appreciate it. @RC: WOW! What a harrowing story. I’m relieved to know the ending is good, but those poor kids must have been through some terrible times, and I’m so glad your family was able to provide a stable environment for them. I just finished reading “Three Little Words-A Memoir”, which was written by a woman who spent several years in the foster care system and her experiences were heart wrenching. @Nurit: It sounds like you’re on a journey as well and what you say is so true. I look forward to learning more about the road you’re traveling and thanks so much for stopping by, and for your comment and support.

By: Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food. — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:47:55 +0000

I found this blog after vered twittered abut this post. I am recently finding more about my family. Mainly seperations.
I also feel like on a mission (and started blogging about it) – we can stop the vicious circle. The circle of parents hiding behind the excuse “I had a bad childhood” to recreate one once again for their own children. It makes me feel so angry.

By: RC - Rambling Along...

RC - Rambling Along... — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:36:10 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story in this way…

We fostered two children when I was a teenager. The older sister cried when she had to go to school, because she never knew if she could trust my mom to take care of her younger brother while she was away from him (her parents frequently abandoned them in search of drugs). Neither of them understood why my parents went to work on a regular basis, since if you go one day, why should you go back the next day?

The young boy – at age three – showed us how to roll a joint using tissue. Then he would hide his “joint” in his sock or sleeve.

Thankfully, all these years later, they are both well-adjusted young adults, each married and having a child of their own.

They needed to redefine normal, which I hope we helped them today.
RC – Rambling Along…´s last blog ..Celebrating today

By: Vered - MomGrind

Vered - MomGrind — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:05:01 +0000

I’m so glad you can openly discuss this, and I’m so glad you were able to redefine your own “normal.”
Vered – MomGrind´s last blog ..40+ Activities For Kids That Do Not Involve TV, Computer, Wii, Or Any Other Screen

By: Patricia

Patricia — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:18:52 +0000

This is not my story but it is a poignant and important story to tell. I am both sorry you experienced this abuse and so pleased you are telling..

I just think we need to talk so much more opening about life, issues and the good, the bad and the ugly. Reveal the truth…and breath life into others…

Good voice here – nice shouting Thank you for your courage.
Patricia´s last blog ..What Good are Fathers For?