Comments on: Beautiful Like Me: Conformity is a Trap

By: Smart Mouth Broad

Smart Mouth Broad — Wed, 06 May 2009 04:00:18 +0000

Bravo! So much to accomplish here and you did it beautifully! Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..THE MAKING OF A BIKER CHICK – Cody, Wyoming

By: Shaye

Shaye — Tue, 05 May 2009 14:27:00 +0000

Great post here! The haircut story was bothersome. I’d have to remind myself to breath deeply if I were there. To this day I usually get my hair cut by my husband and I keep my hair VERY simple. It’s all the same length so that a quick snip, snip, snip around the ends is all I need. If I color my hair, I do it myself. I simply cannot stand all that I see in the beauty shop (or the costs involved). I’ll occasionally have to get something done there, but I avoid it when possible. I guess I’m totally weird that way. Er, um, that way and many others, of course.

By: Tricia

Tricia — Tue, 05 May 2009 12:27:10 +0000

@WickedStepMom: It’s the unawareness that baffles me the most.

@Spirte’s Keeper: Absolutely true. We all have our own set of expectations for our kids, big and small, it’s hard to separate ours from theirs and give theirs wings.

@Smart Mouth Broad: How could I ever hold anything against you )

@Donna: I love this story and that you actually colored the boy’s hair for him. I know you’re right, the principle is dead-on, in my opinion, and I freely admit to being a hypocrite about this. I still think there are certain looks that unintentionally speak to attitude and values…like Mohawks or face piercings and I associate them with deviant behavior. I don’t want my child to portray those characteristics, and I’m really not sure what I’ll do if we have to cross that bridge. I realize this is my own prejudice, or really it’s a larger societal prejudice, but I’m fully guilty on this one.

By: donna

donna — Tue, 05 May 2009 12:12:25 +0000

Great blog Tricia.
I must tell you of the story of a friend who has a boy, and this young boy wanted to do what all the kids were doing, color the tips of his hair blond. His father came in to the store and talked to me about it and was adamant about not letting his son color the tips of his hair. Then he asked me my opinion (just what I was waiting for). I told him that it was only hair, it grows out very quickly and that it was “just hair”. The father went home and thought about this, then came back to me and said I was right. I told the father that if he would like I would do it for him and it wouldn’t have to cost him a thing. We did it. The young man loved it for about a week and then decided that it really wasn’t him and he cut it all out. So, the moral of this story is to let them find their own likes and dislikes. It is “only hair”. Good for you Amy for letting him experience this, it is not a harmful way to express himself. The father has thanked me many times now, he realized it was a harmless thing to do. Kids need to find their own identities, not ours. We have already found ours. If it is not harmful let them do it. How else will they learn who they are. Any way.
XOXOX

By: Smart Mouth Broad

Smart Mouth Broad — Tue, 05 May 2009 01:51:31 +0000

Please forgive me for commenting and not reading yet. I left a little something for you over at my place. I'll be back later to read. MHS is starting Jack on the DVR. Gotta go. Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..I’D LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY

By: Sprite's Keeper

Sprite's Keeper — Tue, 05 May 2009 00:40:47 +0000

I can definitely see where you're coming from! Conformity can definitely be a trap. It's a fine line to let your child explore their own personality without pushing your own agenda on them. Sprite's Keepers last blog post..HASAY: I am beautiful, no matter what I say.

By: WickedStepMom

WickedStepMom — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:35:05 +0000

I am so behind today! Tricia, your story of the girl at the hair salon is all too common. I see it all the time. And it makes me so sad for those poor children who's parents are tearing them down without realizing it. WickedStepMoms last blog post..Beautiful Like Me: What should be beautiful?

By: Beautiful Like Me: What should be beautiful? « Life and Times of a Wicked Step Mom

Mon, 04 May 2009 20:31:59 +0000

[...] Tricia – Shout [...]

By: Tricia

Tricia — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:01:09 +0000

@Jan: I agree on the idea that you have to pick your battles, or at least that the battles you mention are really the ones most worthy, and I think Aaron started teaching me that before he turned a year old!! I love how you take your own experiences, grow with them and use them to shape the life you want for you and your children. You have lots to be proud of!!

@Danielle: It’s unclear to me too. I keep thinking about it, muddling it over, but I keep coming back to wonder if how our son’s see the men in our lives treat us will in fact provide a message with more impact about acceptance and beauty and strength. I have no clue, really, but I do think little boys want to be like their dads, so even though it’s important we moms are aware, I think dads need to really be thinking about it as well. I wonder if they do? I wish we had some dads weighing in on all of this and I wonder if I way over think everything (I’ve been known to do it), and is over thinking everything a mom phenomenon, or a general parenting phenomenon.

@Gary: I love big smiles too…giving and receiving.

@Ciel: Ahhhh….I”m still working on the difficult conversations piece, and suspect it’ll get much more complicated as my little guy continues to mature. Lately my son has been asking a ton of questions about death and violence and bad guys, and I’m struggling with these concepts and a 5-year-old.

@Midlife Slices: I bet you set tons of good examples for your kids, and continue to do so for your grandchildren.

@Amy: I’m not sure how lucky Aaron is, but thanks for the vote of confidence. I’m quite sure he’ll need many years of therapy and will blame me for all sorts of things. I’m not sure I’d let him have a Mohawk. Seriously, it brings up an interesting point. There’s conformity, which on its face is dull and pandering, and then there are things that would make me jump up and down…like a Mohawk. I’m a hypocrite I realize, but there are certain things that contain messages in themselves…like pierced lips and Mohawks I associate with anti-social or deviant behavior, so although I don’t want Aaron to be a conformist, or any child, I have obvious prejudices about appearances. And then I wonder how much of those prejudices have to do with other people’s perceptions of me as a parent. Would I “worry” about what people would think of me if Aaron was walking around with a Mohawk, or a pierced lip, nose and cheek, as well as worry about what automatic, negative, assumptions they’d make about him? Humm…maybe you just gave me my Wondering on Wednesday post.

By: Amy @ Five Flower Mom

Amy @ Five Flower Mom — Mon, 04 May 2009 19:20:01 +0000

I hear you ... which is why my seven year old is sporting a mohawk!!! Great post! As parents we are always learning, and let me say that with each child I have to learn something new!!!! Aaron is so lucky to have a mommy like you! Amy @ Five Flower Moms last blog post..Beautiful Like Me: Kindness