Parenting Mistake No. 5,647
Yesterday I was bouncing around blog world reading all these great posts about helping children create better self esteem, when I received an email from my 21-year-old stepdaughter.
She was in the process of answering a questionnaire as part of an internship application for this summer, and wanted some help. She’d spent time thinking and writing about herself and trying to articulate what would set her apart in a very competitive process.
Of course I’ll help, send me the questions, and your answers, and I’ll take a look.
Which she did
And I proceeded to tweak here, delete there, add a bit around everywhere and then I sent it back to her.
About an hour later, I received another email from her…
UGH…reading your changes make me think I’m a failure….you make me sound so much better!!!!
I wanted to crawl in a hole. I had done the exact opposite of what I intended.
It’s incredibly challenging to write about ourselves. We’re conditioned to think that if we come across as a bragger, we’re a big-headed ego monster. It’s much easier for someone else to write about how wonderful we are than it is for us to pull out our own attributes and own them. It’s a double-edged societal sword where selling ourselves is often imperative for success, yet we’re conditioned not to do it.
Of course it’s easier for me to crank out some colorful adjectives and restructure a sentence to help someone I love and believe in to shine, but in doing so I trampled on the attribute that my lovely daughter is trying to develop—her creative writing skills. By editing her work instead of providing constructive criticism and then letting her take the helm, I basically sent her a very unintended message.
I’ll let you know when I hit parenting mistake number 10,398, because I’m sure it won’t take me long to get there.
Parenting has got to be the most difficult, mind boggling maze of crooked routes and choices. What’s your most recent, unintentional bad parenting decision?
Dear Tricia, you are not alone in this particular little parental conundrum. Trust me – just about every mother, if not every parent, on the planet is prone to it.
I think I’m on parental mistake 27,493,612.8. Point 8, you say? Well, sometimes my mistakes are only partial, you know.
Jans last blog post..Sponge Cake
Poor timing has got to be mine. I poorly timed a conversation about cell phone abuse and caused the oldest to shut down and refuse to talk about anything else.
WickedStepMoms last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: What the Hell?
Every day there is something I think I could have done better. Hindsight is 20/20.
What could I be doing differently to motivate the 18 year old? Answer – nothing. He has to do it.
And as for the younger child? I let him eat strawberry shortcake for breakfast yesterday. Hey, we’re on vacation.
Smalltown Moms last blog post..Purple Rain
@Jan, I have to remember this when Aaron one day asks me for help with his homework, and I’m tempted to rewrite his term paper. I’m probably closer to that number of parenting mistakes too, but I just thought to start keeping track last week.
@WickedStepMom, Isn’t’ that incredibly frustrating…the whole shutting down thing. As an aside, have you read all the recent press on preteens and teens sexting?
@Smalltown Mom: My favorite breakfast is apple pie!
Crap! Reading this makes me wonder if I haven’t done this as well with a friend. Crap! Crap!
Easy mistake to make.
Lisa Ps last blog post..Perfect 10
Oh man I am certainly guilty too! I gave up counting my mistakes YEARS ago. Hey we are just human. We just want the world to see our children the way we do!
Every parent makes mistakes…but not every parent will admit it. I can’t remember a single time when I was a kid that my mother stepped back and said…”Gosh, I’m sorry…I sure didn’t handle that well” I think that would have taken huge (the world must think we’re perfect) load off her shoulders.
You know what is even harder? Knowing your child is making a mistake and having to step back and watch it happen.
Hey Strawberry Shortcake and Apple Pie sound good for breakfast. The breakfast I sneak every once in awhile is Nacho Cheese Doritos and Coffee. I know that is bad!
Monicas last blog post..A Very Special Voice
On the other hand, you have to learn to seel yourself by putting yourself in the best possible light, and I’d say you showed her that.
garys last blog post..wwc: opening and spring
What a thought provoking post. Yes, I think I’m guilty of this, although not with my children (yet) but definitely with my friends. Hmm, food for thought…
(What’s wrong with nachos for breakfast?)
More than Just a Mothers last blog post..Is there sex after babies?
Ah well don’t beat yourself up over it. Show her what you wrote here. You’re totally right about how we tend to not play up our own strengths. Make sure she knows that that’s what your motive was.
Hilarys last blog post..Authors & Artists (Part 1)
She’ll forgive you! Just an hour or two of therapy!
Amys last blog post..To-do Tuesday
Please don’t beat yourself up over this one. Sounds like it would have been hard to avoid. I’m about 209.753 mistakes ahead of Jan.
Pseudos last blog post..Thinking about calling a locksmith…
Don’t sweat it. You will make a lot of mistakes before you are done and I don’t think that you are ever done. My 37 year old daughter calls and asks mom questions all the time. All you can do is your best and hope for the best.
My favorite breakfast food is pizza, oh wait is that a breakfast food?
XOXOX sweetie, you did what you thought was right.
Oh dear, they are all too frequent to remember one specific mistake.
Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..I’M A RAMBLER
ONLY mistake #5647?? Now you’ve made ME feel like a failure since I’m well over 100K for sure. Ugh….
“Parenting has got to be the most difficult, mind boggling maze of crooked routes and choices.”
That statement is soooo true!!