No More Sorries, Mom
Dear Mom,
I want to tell you something and although perhaps this should be a private conversation, I know that if I publicly tumble these words there’s a chance you’ll hear.
You may need to keep saying it, but I don’t need to keep hearing it. You’ve said it enough. I promise. You’ve mourned it enough. I promise. You’ve swallowed the pill and vomited regret, and you know what? I needed you to do all of that, but I don’t need you to be sorry any more.
I forgive the young, 28-year-old woman who didn’t know how to live outside the cave of demons and dread. I understand the young mother who never learned to share secrets and to let go of denial. The veil our family lived beneath, the one older generations helped to create, was not your embroidery and it took the unintentional sacrifice of me to begin ripping it to shreds. You stood up. You fought for me more than anyone fought for you. You held me. You believed me. You confronted him.
You may not be able to see it in yourself, but you are stronger than those who came before you and because of you and dad, I will be stronger, more righteous, and have deeper conviction. You have to see that what I lost in the hands of your father is not simply summed with a common mark of incest. I wear a badge of honor because with your help, the insanity really does stop with my generation.
In telling our story, by writing this book, we shear the tightly woven cuffs of regret and destiny. Even wrapped in a cliché, if we do in fact touch only one life—if we help one person to understand the power and impotency of closed eyes, we will have lived well. Your unwavering support for this project has mined the shafts of denial and collapsed remaining entries. We don’t need to dig for more apologies between the two of us. Hold your head high. Stand straight. You should. You can. I promise.
When I remind myself of the stock from which I came, I feel my shoulders broaden and my chin tilt. I am your daughter. I am your story teller. I am and will always be grateful that God gave me to you.
With love, forgiveness and humility,
Tricia
With tears in my eyes, I’m not even sure I should comment but here I am. Hugs to you and Donna.
Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..IS THIS SEXTING?
Wow…beautiful sentiments, beautifully expressed…and absolutely right about ‘touching one life’…altho i’m sure it will be many more than one. Well done.
thistles last blog post..What I Did On My Holiday: Introducing ‘Pearl’…
What a brave and beautiful post. Good for you!
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I’m more glad than I can express that she was able to hold you and believe. It doesn’t always happen, you know.
Just one more reason I love Mrs. Tricia’s Mom.
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Oh!
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This is one of the most touching posts I’ve ever read. I imagine it is easier said than done for your mom. We’re so hard on ourselves and quick to absorb guilt that should be carried by those who began the chain of victims. For me, there would be an eternal need to somehow make it all go away and regret over not being able to make it so. She’s already given you much more than apologies though. She’s given you the means to, as you said, shear the cuffs. Not just through her support and participation, but through the talents she nurtured that will help you process and express the experiences that have so deeply affected your family. Bravo to all of you.
Lisa Ps last blog post..Still Processing
I am glad that you both had the strength to stand up. One person standing up can really make a huge difference.
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Hugs to you and your mother. You’re both amazing women. Beautifully expressed.
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These words are powerful and healing. Thank you for sharing.
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hugs to you…..
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You are a beautiful daughter, Tricia. And your mother is a great lady too. So proud of you.
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This post leaves me speechless and so proud of you that I could cry. O.k. I am crying….and going back to read this a second time because the message is that good. HUGS
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Tricia:
This post made me choke with emotion… you are a great person, caring and forgiving with an incredible ability to touch people with the power of the pen.
This is it Tricia… this is what you are about.
With love.
I’m also choked with emotion. Also knowing because you are the caring forgiving person you are, you will find the end to the story. We all have a great deal or sorries. But we are very proud of your steps in “shout it loud,” the only way to help protect those we love. You are awesome! Love to both you and your Mom.
Thanks Aunt Kim! The coming together of sisters to help tell this story is much more awesome than I am. It’s a gift you’re giving to each other and to me. Thank you for that, thank you for your honesty and for your bravery!
xoxoxo
Beautiful!
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese
Monicas last blog post..Not Feeling Well…
Tricia
What can I say. You made me cry. Thank You!!!!
Ok I will stop saying it and it means more to me than you can possibely know or maybe you do know.
I Love You
XOXOX
I think I know, I hope I know. Sometimes we need someone else to set us free. I love you too!!
okay this makes me cry as well and I am so proud of all of you in my family. The woman are going to be all bonded and feel a little more proud and hold their heads up a little higher because of being set free. You are the stepping stone for them to do this Tricia and I am so honored to have you as my sister. You mean the world to me and I can only hope to be as good a warrier as you. Aaron is so lucky to have such an amazing mommy.
Wow. Just stumbled upon this through other sites. Brought me up short. So sorry for what you’ve been through. And my guess is that many are thanking you.