Letting Go of the Why
As I persist in my journey to chronicle and give voice to the women in my family who’ve endured through three generations of sexual abuse, I’m constantly plagued by the same question, Why?
I’ll never be able to fully comprehend, and one of the hardest parts of this quest may be the letting go of needing an answer. There really isn’t one, not one that makes anything digestible. The entire world’s intellectual capital and reasoning can not erupt in knowledge to ease the suffering and take away the fear of little girls who run through my mind screaming for someone to protect them. Releasing children from inside my head and letting them run wild through the pages of my notebooks is more important than answering the why.
While white-lined pages fill with ink and lives intertwine, I’m beginning to internalize the realization that the power is in the telling, not in the search for answers.
My sister lost a dear friend yesterday and I know she’s searching for answers she’ll never find. If you’re reading today Kristy, I’m sending you strength and love and arms that wrap around your heart and hold you close.
Ive found the older you get, the less you look for “why” – sometimes it’s just not there. There’s no rhyme or reason to so many things, and looking for it will just drive you off of the deep end.
Jans last blog post..Pieces of Eight
Often times, the question, “why?” is asked over such things that are tragedies in life, there are no answers that make any sense or are comprehendible to the “normal” human mind. Letting go of the whys is wise…as Jan said it will drive you off the deep end if you keep looking. There is power in telling the story…you are their voice Tricia!
Loris last blog post..Something to Smile About
More important than why, is that they lived and survived it. Why is too complex a question to answer sometimes. And in those cases, it is more important to live.
WickedStepMoms last blog post..Mobbed
I agree Tricia, WHY can make you crazy. It’s too much sometimes, our minds can never comprehend some things. The women in your family are strong. You are strong. I admire you all so much.
HeatherPrides last blog post..Fat Girls Club, Week 7: Stress. It Does a Body Good
Hugs for your sister in her time of loss and hugs for you as you make this hard journey with no real answers to “why”.
Midlife Slicess last blog post..Tickling The Ivory and a Lube Job To Boot
this is huge — realizing sometimes there is no good,solid answer. that we have to just let go.
Madges last blog post..Poem Thursday
Wow Tricia, I admire your courage to face the past – the past always makes the future that much harder cause it brings back things forgotten and unearths pain unknown to us …
I think asking WHY is a natural and healthy thing – a sure precursor to finding a voice – only the restless speak up….
Making people question is enough to help them find their voices…sometimes it takes a little hand holding and courage – and you are doing ALL of that.
It must be so hard for you to present the outside perspective while being on the inside – I wish you the best.
The answer to your questions is in the telling, I think
Mayas last blog post..The Calm Fire : A journal entry
oh jeez…
garys last blog post..MAGNUM and me
You are so amazing and strong Tricia. I think I hang onto the WHY to. And sometimes we don’t get an answer or clarification we do go through the cleansing process. You know I wish you the best.
MamaGeeks last blog post..KEEP BELIEVING.
I commend you for facing this difficult topic. It is horrible to hear about some young girl being sexually abused…especially by someone who should love her most and make protecting her his priority. Sadly there are many women out there who have been violated…but have never told anyone. Living and surviving it is not always consolation when you spend your whole life suffering in silence.
Men who rape are bad enough…but men who rape little girls should be castrated and or have branded on their forehead that they rape little girls (or children in general). We may never have the answer as to “why”…but child molesters and rapist should be forced to carry more shame than their victims.
I wish you the very best with this mission Tricia…may your hard work bring all victims peace
Monicas last blog post..Beautiful Blog Background
thanks for reminding me again about the power of letting go. whether it’s the need to understand why, anger, fear, resentment, unhealthy relationships, or even tangible things – letting go is freeing, but its one of the hardest things to do.
coffeejitters (Judy Haley)s last blog post..Dear Gem – Month 1
I think you nailed it here. I imagine the empty hole one feels without the closure or explanation as to “why” leaves the victim feeling victimized all over again. I think what you’re doing here is wonderful.
steenky bees last blog post..Reasons Why I Can’t Post This Week
Thanks so much for the hugs. I just have been left with this big hole in my heart and I guess I am not ready to let go of the why and accept this. Such a tragic sencless death at only the age of thirty leaves me with such a large WHY and I only have tears and no answers and I can’t seam to get past it yet.
Kristy, I don’t know you, but I wanted to extend a hug as well. It sounds like you have a lot to process.
Tricia, I get stuck it the why’s. At times it makes me mad because I think getting caught up in the why’s distracts from taking action against the problem. Then I end up admitting I don’t have an idea of how to combat the problem and spending my time on the why’s actually distracts me from having to admit I’m upset about something I haven’t a clue how to fix. Good grief? Does that make any sense?
Lisa Ps last blog post..What Are You?