Let’s Promise to Walk with Our Eyes Open
I returned home last night from a six-day swim in raw sewage. Road weary and emotionally over cooked, there’s nothing that rubs a little salve on my soul like a hundred hugs from my beautiful 5-year-old son and the warmth and comfort of my husband’s arms.
When I pulled my car into the garage at 6:40, thanks to my wonderful husband, dinner was on the table, my house was clean, the laundry baskets were empty and my son was happy and content. I just want to tell the world that I love my husband, my home and our little family of three.
I need to send out a big ‘ole apology to two of my blogging friends, WickedStepMom and Amy at Five Flower Mom. I agreed to participate in a project, Beautiful Like Me, which includes bi-weekly posts about our thoughts and experience related to helping children create a positive self image. The second post was due Monday, and I bailed.
I knew I’d have time Sunday to answer the question WickedStepMom had asked people to contemplate, What do children and teens today feel pressured to imitate and why? I mulled it over for days. I asked people for their insights and experiences and although I was struggling with the topic, I thought I could muddle my way through. I was wrong. There was no muddling on this one.
When I tried to compose the post in my mind, it just felt impotent. Of course all the typical conundrums rolled around my brain about popularity, current cultural norms, drugs, media, celebrity, bullying and the early sexualization of our children, but in the moments where the deadline to post approached and passed, none of it mattered enough to compel me to put pen to paper. WickedStepMom and Amy, I hope you understand that sometimes even the best of intentions creep sideways in the face of things closest to my heart.
I spent a great deal of time over the last six days engaged in conversations for the book I’m writing. Much of my time was spent with three women in my family who shared stories about their own teenage years and the pressures they felt. The issues these women struggled with as children make my heart sore and my pen bleed. When you’re 13-years-old and worried you may lose your virginity to your father, or you’re a child who sleeps buried in a cardboard box you’ve placed in your closet, trying to create a safe place where you can’t be seen, or touched, it simply amplifies what we all need to do and really it answers the basic question posed by the Beautiful Like Me project.
Before anything else, the two most important things we can do to help children create a positive self image are to keep them safe and to give them a voice.
As you go about your day, please give each of your children a hug from me and tell them there’s really nothing more important, more honorable than being their parent, and no matter what they want to tell us, we’ll listen. We’ll fight dragons and charming monsters to keep them safe. Let’s promise our kids we’ll all walk by their sides with our eyes wide open.
For more on The Beautiful Like Me Project and to participate in the next round-table post due Monday, May 4th, click here
To read more from Monday’s round-table, please visit…
- Amy at Five Flower Mom
- Life and Times of a Wicked Step Mom
- Judy at Coffee Jitters
- Cate at The Nature’s Child
- Lisa at Use Your Wisdom
- Lisa at Crazy Adventures in Parenting
I’ll have to hug my older kids long distance for you, but consider it done. Not that they don’t know that already, but it never hurts to remind them, does it?
I’m glad you’re back; I’ve missed you.
Jans last blog post..Mind Your Manners, Y’all
I’m so glad you’re back!
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parentings last blog post..Before and After
How about a bloggy hug for you!
And I agree with you that giving our children a voice is so important, even if we can’t always keep them safe.
WickedStepMoms last blog post..Mobbed
Welcome back! Sounds like you had a powerful time away from us all. How wonderful to come home to a clean house and ready family!
The topic for this week’s Beautiful Like Me was tough for me too. I honestly didn’t know what I would write until I was actually doing and the outcome surprised me. I thought I was writing about insignificant stuff and then I trip over an ah-ha nugget. It’s such a great project and I’m more than happy to pass a hug on to my kiddos from you.
Lisa Ps last blog post..Imitation Is The Best Form Of Flattery, But…
First a hug to you from all my kids and me, welcome back!
I too think each question is easy until I start to write and then it gets harder BUT then it seems to come together. For me it has been great to explore these topics — makes me think!!!
Amys last blog post..Wordful Wednesday – Spaghetti Sauce
I am glad you came home to your haven – sounds like you needed it after your week away.
Tracys last blog post..Really, I am usually pretty fun
@Jan: Thanks for passing along the hugs and long distance hugs are just wonderful. My mom sends them often, and I appreciate them perhaps even more since I’m far away from her. I’ve missed you too!
@Lisa: Thanks. Me too
@WickedStepMom: Thanks for the hug, it’s very much appreciated as is your comment about giving our children a voice.
@Lisa P: It was a powerful time, and although this is a difficult process, there are so many amazing moments and glimpses of true strength and love. I loved your post, and you really gave me something to consider, which of course I love.
@Amy: Me too, and I love stuff that makes me question old assumptions and think of things in new ways.
@Tracy: Thanks. I’m lucky to have a haven that’s also my home, and every time I go away, I realize it again as soon as I set foot in our home. Life is good
)
I am glad you are back to your safe haven. How nice to come home to a home that has been taken care of while you were away and to 2 people that genuinely missed you and were happy to see you. That is the best feeling in the world. Your visit home sounds interesting and the conversations sound like they were deep and full of insight into their worlds. I am sure as you took in all that heart ache that they experienced, you have even more understanding of the shoes they have walked in and how they came to be who they are today.
I am sure that this time away was draining so I hope that you are getting refreshed.
You really hit it on the nail in regards to the basic needs of children as it relates to this Beautiful like me project. At the root of each person, and each child is this need to feel good about themselves…which comes from knowing that they are important,valued, needed, wanted,seen and heard…which comes from being listened to and noticed. Children do have a voice and we empower their voices by not just listening to them but also listening to the things that they do not say…and then teaching them as they grow up to find their voice and to express it in the best ways that they can. Helping children to learn how to express their feelings and thoughts enables them to be who they are. Us, listening to them and taking them serious, gives them permission to be who they are.
Loris last blog post..Two Weeks!
@Lori: Beautifully said!
Writing this book might be harder on you than you realize. I did get to hug all 4 of my children yesterday, which is a very rare occasion, and for that I’m truly thankful.
Glad you are back.
Midlife Slicess last blog post..Tickling The Ivory and a Lube Job To Boot
“Before anything else, the two most important things we can do to help children create a positive self image are to keep them safe and to give them a voice.”
This is so true, it really does rise above everything else in importance
coffeejitters (Judy Haley)s last blog post..Dear Gem – Month 1
I am sincerely apologetic that I did not answer the questions you asked of me about this topic. I have spent a good bit of time thinking it over though and while it is somewhat subjective based on personal experience, some things are universal. I will share some thoughts with you privately (if you still want answers
but I completely agree, and think we underestimate the significance of, feeling safe and secure within a family – knowing that your parents are champions for your cause and would never intentionally harm you, are the foundation for any kind of self-esteem. Thanks for your post, for your honesty, and for your reflection. It gives us all much to consider…
Danielles last blog post..Earth Day Everyday