It’s Not Really A Circle, Is It?
Be warned—this post does ramble.
In the last few days…
The son of a family friend over-dosed and died.
My 82-year-old grandfather who underwent quadruple heart-bypass surgery three weeks ago has developed a significant staph infection, and he remains hospitalized.
Someone I love took a chance and had her heart broken, again.
My husband’s brother-in-law took his own life.
Meanwhile, my cousin gave birth to a healthy baby girl four days ago and my best friend is eagerly expecting the arrival of baby number six within the next few weeks. My blog buddy, Pam, is expecting her own cookie and I’m relishing in her cautious anticipation of motherhood after shedding too many tears while finding her way through the tribulations of infertility.
Today, in Portugal, my sister-in-law attended her husband’s funeral and mourns her children’s father and her companion of 40 years. Today, in America, a young man we’ve watched grow up proclaimed his love and commitment in front of God and family as he married with doe-eyed enthusiasm and anticipates his future.
I read with heart-felt relief that Twenty Four at Heart started 2009 with news her breast biopsy is clear, but I’m waiting to find out if Jen is receiving equally uplifting reports.
Like you, I’ve browsed a plethora of resolutions as people mark the New Year with hope and purpose to achieve something personally or professionally, and although I’m not a January first resolution-making kind of girl, I’ve found myself drawn to people’s determined posts, to the idea of clean slates and blank canvases. I’m drawn to Jan’s renewed commitment to simply live.
Day-to-day we’re handed new beginnings and unexpected endings. I had a grand plan for 2009, but the Market collapse has made impossible what I had intended, or at least that’s what I thought as I started to re-plan and prepare my mind for a certain amount of professional drudgery I didn’t want to endure. Life ends. Life begins. Everything in between is malleable to a certain extent. My own flexibility has been tested time and time again and I realize I’m at a new crossroad that has nothing to do with the New Year, and has everything to do with a new mindset.
It’s cold today and as life throws hard-packed snow balls, more of us are reevaluating family and the simplest of joys. Perhaps as people struggle to stand taller in the face of loss, we find comfort in what we’ve always known-that our children, our families, provide the most honest reflections of what we have accomplished and the merriment we have yet to create.
Several people have announced job losses. As my clients struggle to pay their invoices, I find myself bill-collecting, and wondering, and anxious.
Last night I heard my 24-year-old stepson tell my four-year-old son he loves him, and my heart smiled.
Today my father figured out how to comment on my blog, and it made clear that the universe is certainly off-kilter, shifting, and even the seriously technically challenged can accomplish anything when appropriately provoked.
Baby giggles, kindergarten play dates, a teenager holding her father’s hand while hiking a wooded path, or a mother and son’s tea date at the kitchen table, people seem to be searching for connections, honing in on the celebratory worthiness of sharing between generations, and it’s really quite lovely.
In a few days, with a little luck, I’ll celebrate my 37th birthday. It’s awfully close to 40 and the proximity seems unnerving, but the alternative is certainly worse.
I hope to make 2009 better than 2008, but not as satisfactory as the promise of 2010. The road will twist. I’ll lose. I’ll gain. Most important, I hope I’ll learn. It’s not really a circle, is it? It’s a twisted path, a tempting journey; life is, if we’re lucky enough to walk it with our heads held high and our minds and hearts absorbent—if we’re fortunate enough to love, to be loved, if we have the faintest possibility of a dream.
Ahhh, the circle of life. So much going on here, I’m smiling and crying and smiling again. Big smiles that you dad has learned to comment. I’ll have to go see what he had to say.
Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..NEW YEAR’S BABY!
Brad works for a mortuary, and it is unfortunately true that more deaths occur during the holidays than any other time. I’m not sure why, but this is their “season.”
Memarie Lanes last blog post..2009 Resolutions, Day 2
It IS a twisted path. Thank you for caring about my situation. I also, am so relieved. In spite of the fact I’ve had a hellish couple years … I have learned compassion for others in a manner I never knew before. Even the worst things in life teach us positive things. It’s just so hard to see it when you feel like life is stomping you into the ground.
I hope you have a great 2009! I think it’s going to be a great year.
“…we find comfort in what we’ve always known-that our children, our families, provide the most honest reflections of what we have accomplished…”
This made me happy and scared at the same time. Mostly happy though.
Dave
SMB: I smiled and cried, too. Thanks for joining me.
Marie: It’s odd to think of a mortuary having a “season”, that kind of freaks me out a bit.
24: I agree, it’s going to be a great year.
Dave: I’m quite confident you have nothing to fear!
we all have to hope that 2009 settles down a little bit….
garys last blog post..pottery in action: hoppin John
As always you have a way of reflecting on life that brings so many emotions to me … thanks! As I always say, all things happen for a reason and with time we just might know what that reason is! Here is to 2009 a year full of magical moments! Hugs to you!
Amys last blog post..2009 – A New Year, A Year For My Family
This was a very thoughtful beautiful post that really does talk about our lives…beginnings and endings and the life we live in between. Our lives are full of new beginnings and some very sad endings but it’s in the middle that we spend most of our living…and how we choose to live is up to each one of us.
Here’s to your journey through 2009…may you have the joy of many blessings…wisdom from the lessons you will learn…love that fills up your days and nights…the grace and resilency to keep going when you are tested…most of all, may you be all that you can be and at the end of 2009 look back at how far you’ve come in living your most authentic life!
Loris last blog post..No longer living with the enemy
This was such a great post that I think I’ll pause. Go for a walk. Think a bit and get my feet moving and my butt out of this chair.
phhhsts last blog post..2009: Walking the High Wire
There’s nothing simple about living, as you so beautifully illustrated with this post.
Here’s to a wonderful 2009! And a great day – my most important priority is to make chocolate chip cookies for The Young One.
Jans last blog post..The Year of Living Dangerously
I could have written this exact post, (well, except I’d use my friends and family rather than yours) and I’ve got huge expectations for 2009. Not really for myself, but for my daughter and her health, my oldest son and his happiness, my youngest son and his sense of self worth, my sister in law and her battle with cancer, and so on and so forth. If we don’t have hope, what HAVE we got?
Happy 2009 to you and yours.
Midlife Slicess last blog post..It’s That Time Again, Kids!
Well said.
Have a wonderful New Year!
xoxo
tcb
thatcoolbroads last blog post..A New Year brings a new job
So many huge events – I am happy and sad for you, in all the appropriate places. I hope your sister-in-law will be okay. I can’t imagine.
HeatherPrides last blog post..Road Hard
Suckity-Suck-SUCK and AWWWwwwwww…all at the same time.
I am so sorry for all the sucky stuff. You are so beautifully profound as you link it all together. I see that even in your darker times your strong heart is finding that silver lining.
{{hugs}} to you dear sweet one!!
Grandys last blog post..Sweater Emergency
What a wild ride for the last few days. I hope things settle down and that your year is a better one than the last.
Oh man, talk about pack-filled drama, eh? Here’s hoping 2009 is healthy and happy friend.
MamaGeeks last blog post..Wake Me Up When December Ends.
I’m in tears, not only from reading the losses and gains here for you, what you observe and know, but because it reminds me all that has happened in the last year for me. Thank you. And bless your new year.
movin’ down the roads last blog post..Off and away and home again
Lovely post…so much going on in the world that we forget about while staring intently at our own navels. Thank you for reminding us that there is more to life than what is on the screen in front of us.
thistles last blog post..Cabin Fever…Part Deux
Jan, you said what I feel often. There really isn’t anything simple about living. Simple would probably be too boring anyway. Oh man, what a mixture of things to despair and be optimistic over. I know it all balances out in the end. I really wouldn’t mind if it leaned more towards one side though, the optimistic.
Now I have to go eat cake and come to terms with the fact you are younger than me, Tricia. You’re going to have to take more care when pronouncing yourself as aging or old from now on. It’s not just your ego to consider anymore.
Lisa Ps last blog post..This Will Probably Sound Dumb
I’m so sorry for your recent losses. And happy for the births and good news that has made it’s way to your life’s path. I’m very grateful that your twisty path has crossed mine out here in the Blogosphere. You inspire me, and I thank you for that. (Thirty-seven is relative babyhood.. just ask your Mom). Happy almost birthday.
Hilarys last blog post..Thank You, Blogger
What a great post, Trisha. My goal for this year is to try and focus on what matters the most to us, especially because of the uncertainty of life itself.
Happy New Year, wishing you many blessings in the coming year!
Steph
Steph @ Problem Solvin Moms last blog post..Starting the year with a grateful heart
I’m sorry for all the sadness, hon – hugs.
I do hope this is a better year. I need one! And, I’m sorry I suck and hadn’t updated about the lump. Appt is Feb 5th. Happy (probably late now) Birthday!
Jens last blog post..On: The Bonds of Sisterhood (and an update)