Finding the Beginning
I’ve taught memoir writing classes for adults and I remember clearly the most significant stumbling block for students was simply finding a starting point. Here I am about to take on the most significant memoir writing project I’ve ever tackled and I’m trying to remember the advice I used to give while standing in front of a classroom. It’s always easier to preach than to act, isn’t it.
There are only 16 days until we leave for Vermont and I’ll see my grandmother again. My goal is to have a draft outline before I see her. I can’t begin the research and interviewing if I haven’t a clue where I need to start, where the time line needs to begin. The story I want to tell is hers, but it’s also mine. It’s my mother’s. It’s my aunts’. It’s a story that weaves its way through three generations of women and finding the starting point has made my brain sob mush, until this morning.
My grandmother’s mother, Julia, had six children, three daughters and three sons. Her husband, my great grandfather, was a son of a bitch’s son of a bitch and Julia, with help from her family, left her abusive husband and took her six children with her. Divorce in the 1930s was, well, you know what it was, but Julia was determined to create a better life for herself and her children … social norms be damned.
When my grandmother was only six-years-old, Julia died. All six of her children were unceremoniously and without question simply handed over to their father. I don’t know yet why the legal system, family, or child protective services didn’t intervene, or if there was even such an organization all those decades ago, but right now I still have more questions than answers.
If my grandmother had grown up with Julia as her role model, all of our lives may have taken a different twist. It was this singular event that changed the course of history for a little girl with a broken heart who is now my grandmother, and for the women in my family. It only makes sense that the end of Julia’s life has to be the beginning of my grandmother’s story.
Before I leave for Vermont, I think I need to stock-pile batteries!
you probably already know this, but test the recorder to make sure it’s fully recording her voice before you really get going.
We have some recordings with my grandmother where everyone else came through loud and clear, but it’s very difficult to make out what she is saying. I wish we had tested specifically for her voice rather than just anyone.
Judy Haleys last blog post..Time is Relative
I think that is an EXCELLENT place to start!
Are you getting excited about this? I am!
Jans last blog post..Fluffy, Flaky Biscuits
Judy: I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma’s voice on the tape and thanks so much for the tip.
Jan: I am really excited to tackle this. The size of the project is a tad daunting, but heck I thought I was going to have to wait until everyone was dead before I could write this story and to actually have a first-hand narrative has me hot under the collar to begin.
Your writing project sounds very exciting. I hope you keep up the posts on your gandmother’s memoir.
phhhsts last blog post..I Just Want to be a MACHO MAN. Macho, macho man. Come on, put a little wiggle in it before you start reading….
Just what you have shared in this post, gives a glimpse into the wonderful story you will be writing. I am excited for you and hope you will be sharing with us as you go through the steps of writing her story.
Loris last blog post..Coming Home!
i did a research project like this for an Adulthood and Aging class i was taking. But my subject was not a family member of mine, but rather that of a client. She was a woman who had lived, and continues to live an amazing and full life. It was fascinating project, with hours and hours of tape. I’m excited for you also…this may be one of the greatest projects you take on.
ps test that tape deck thingy and keep an eye on it while interviewing cos it’s so easy to get caught up and forget about it until you’ve lost an hour of interview due to hitting the end of the tape…not that i ever had that happen *cough*
thistles last blog post..Three Things I’m Feeling Tonight…
phhhst & Lori: Thanks for the encouragement. I’m sure some of what I discover and write will end up here. It just seems like a natural fit and of course I want to share it with you all.
thistle: Your research project sounds like it was fascinating. Great tip about the tape deck. I’ve had a couple of mishaps during interview sessions too and it’s a gut-wrenching feeling when you realize you didn’t capture the words you thought you were recording.
I know this is a huge and exciting project, very amazing. Family history is wonderful. Capturing some on video might be nice to watch in the future!
Amys last blog post..Wordless(ful) Wednesday – Let’s Read!
What a fabulous undertaking!
patoiss last blog post..Not House, But I’ll Live
That is the best place to start. And it is the best place to start to set her free.
WickedStepMoms last blog post..Holiday News Letter
wow–what a begiining, too horrible to imagine!
garys last blog post..Be CLAM
Oh wow. Poor Julia. I don’t know how she died, but to gather the courage to leave an abusive husband back in those days, and then die knowing they would go back to that…..had to be horrible. Unless she died suddenly? Those poor children! It breaks my heart.
Have you ever read A Child Called It? It is the true story of an abused child. If I remember correctly, it was his case in the late 60s? early 70s? which brought about a law making it illegal to abuse your children. I believe until then, you could treat your kids any way you wanted to and it was called “discipline” – even if you beat them within an inch of their lives. Horrible.
I’m so eager to hear more.
HeatherPrides last blog post..HP’s Series of Unfortunate Events
Amy: Thanks for the support and the video is a nice idea. I keep thinking I need to get a video camera.
patois: Yes, indeed. I agree.
gary: That’s exactly why I want to write the story…because too many people turn their heads, including me sometimes.
HeatherPride: Julia died very suddenly. It was completely unexpected. Yes, I read A Child Called It, and what a powerful story it is. I also read The Lost Boy by the same author. I hope I can do this story as much justice as Dave Pelzer did for his own. Thanks so much for your encouragement!!
I have 100% faith that you’ll do a wonderful job. You might want to take notes as well as record. It can be a good way for you to note gestures or even your own thoughts/feelings at the moment. Best of luck with this very important and fine project.
Hilarys last blog post..Please Don’t Feed the Ducks
I am so glad that you are tackling this project and so glad that you’re letting us tag along. This is going to be such an incredible gift to your entire family. …and the rest of us.
Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..O.M.G.!!!!!!!!!
Wow. This is a big project. I’m so excited and hopeful for you. The beginning of the story is heartbreaking.
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Are Blogs And eBooks Inferior To Printed Books?
WickedStepMom:I hope you’re right. I hope it really does set her free.
Hilary: Thanks so much!
SMB: I hope people see it as a gift. I’m quite sure there are some people in my family who aren’t going to be happy I’m doing this, but I hope we can persevere anyway.
Vered: Thanks for being excited. The story becomes more heartbreaking as time goes on, but there are some happy endings.
your insight, strength, preseverance, love, determination and honesty will most defintely be your wings on this journey…. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! you were hungry for a chance to change a little piece of the world, you wallowed into a bad mood “your funk”, the trust your grandmother has in you to tell the story, to help a soul, to heal a soul, the ying and yang, to restore balance to a very sad “ongoing” saga that through love and pereverance of your entire family LOVE has lifted so many to the height of success and happiness… is such a wonderful gift…you are a part of the story…. you have every write to share it with the world.. perhaps the people who resist your writing the story are those who need it the most….. I LOVE YOU… fly my sweet friend… your wings have been itching to be stretched for a VERY long time… XOXOXO PS – will you please EMAIL me soon! I MISS YOU!
I think you’ll not only need a pile of batteries, but a whole bunch of tissue since I’m sure the tears will come out along with the story. So glad you are doing this for her and your family.
Midlife Slicess last blog post..Home Invasion
I’m patiently waiting… another week and I might have to track down your grandma myself.;)
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Laura: I am hungry for this and perhaps you’re right; it’s a new way to restore balance. Thanks!
Midlife Slices: Oh god, you’re right. I’m adding tissues to my shopping list right now.
Sammanthia: Does this mean you’ll meet me in Vermont and we get to have a drink together?
I agree, it’s the perfect place to start. Based on what you’ve shared thus far, I suspect this project will take an emotional toll on you and your Grandma. We’ll definitely be here to help you process it all. If you can indeed set your Grandma free it will be an amazing gift, Tricia.
Lisa Ps last blog post..Quivering Lips
Good Heavens. You haven’t even written it yet and I’m already intrigued.
Margaret (Nanny Goats)s last blog post..An Open Letter to My Fat Cells
ooooo! YAY! You’re gonna do it! (I read the other post first obviously)
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