Seeking Advice On Giving Back
I rarely make New Year’s resolutions, but in January I started thinking about community involvement and realized it’s a significant piece missing from my life. I grew up in a small New England town where neighbors took care of neighbors, and my family was always helping people behind the scenes. Reaching out a hand was not something we discussed, it was simply part of our value system. We just did it.
Here it is almost January again, and I’ve done little to extend my hands. I live in a large metropolitan area and it’s far too easy to indulge in an overload of anonymity. I’m guilty of allowing myself to become uninvolved. I need to change that, and I want to help my son begin to develop his own sense of community and compassion. This year I’ve completed some minor pro bono work, written a few checks, but I’ve still not taken on a cause or excused myself to spend time ‘giving back’. This needs to change. It needs to change now, and I do believe it will help with my six-month-funk I’ve been talking about.
In addition to some areas I want to get involved in and the community work I need to do on my own, I’m looking for something my son and I can do together. There are two hiccups:
1). I don’t want our work to involve church-sponsored activities or organized religion
2). He’s only four, so whatever we do as a team has to be age appropriate. I don’t want to scare him or put him in harms way.
I have a lot of hot buttons, but my biggest include men’s violence against women, child abuse and animal cruelty. None of my passions seem appropriate for a 4-year-old to help with.
What’s a girl to do when she needs advice? She turns to her blog, of course. Any ideas for this mommy and son team?
Great idea. Perhaps the two of you could volunteer at a soup kitchen or animal shelter. This site has ideas tailored for individual interests. Hopefully you can find something there.
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Have you considered volunteering at a retirement home or facility? The folks living there would love to spend time with a wonderful child like Aaron and he would learn to appreciate and respect older people, something that is terribly lacking in a society where we shove them off into institutions and pretend like they don’t exist.
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Animal shelters are great for young children!
This just popped into my head … many times there are situation where men’s violence against women have families (children) involved. Are there any kinds of playgroups for these children (families) that you could participate in some how? Something that brings children together? Not sure what there is or if it would work!
I also think about Senior Centers and retirement homes — interactions with children is great! Reading a story, building with blocks, bringing cookies are all things that can be nice. I know of children who have visited the same senior center for years and it has made a huge impact on their lives!
Another thing to think about is that giving back does not always have to mean charity (per say). Bringing cookies to your neighbor or little notes to your favorite place to visit — all these things are nice and kind and makes people feel good!
Not sure that any of this helps but it is what came to mind!
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Tricia – I read this article when it came out and it broke my heart. I started collecting supplies for this organization. It might be fun to take your son out to collect supplies for a kid his age. Maybe see if there’s an organization like this in your neck of the woods:
http://suburbanjournals.stltoday.com/articles/2008/02/12/news/sj2tn20080209-0210ndj-bakpak.ii1.txt
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When my kids were young we gave each of them a portion of what we would have spent on Christmas gifts and had them choose someone to help with it. The dollar value varied on their age. We had them pick things they cared about. For my daughter it was Make A Wish – she then got updates all year long about kids and their wishes. My son loved sports from the time he could walk – for him it was the Challenger sports program for disabled kids. My other son – animals. As they got older they got more actively involved with causes they cared about. As an 18 year old, my son still helps the challenger program but now he goes out and helps coach. Etc. My causes have not been their causes and I have done separate things which are my hot buttons. It’s worked for us.
I like 24’s idea – I also agree with the nursing home suggestion.
As a former nurses aid, I know for a fact that nothing brightens the day of someone stuck in a nursing home more than a child. Puppies are good too. If you can do both at the same time, you might automatically get to go to Heaven.
But seriously, it’s a great experience for your child, too.
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A couple years ago, Brad and I had the exact same urge. However, we live in poverty ourselves. One unique aspect about living in poverty is that you realize that EVERYONE, even wealthy people, need the hand of generosity. Because generosity is not just about giving physically to those who are technically “in need,” it’s about extending love to everyone without expecting anything in return. So that year we used our christmas money to by several $5 Starbucks gift cards, and we divided them in half. Half for Brad to give out and half for me. And we’d hand them to people as we were out and about, in cards in which I had written: “just a gift from one stranger to another in the spirit of Christmas, no strings attached.” I remember giving one to a lady decorating cakes in a bakery, another to an old man in the produce section who looked very rich and very angry. I like to think we made a difference in the hearts of some people that year.
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Oh man, makes me realize I should also____________ (something!).
garys last blog post..dear baseball mom and catcher dude:
Maybe you should start small with him. I visited nursing homes in high-school, and while I know it brightened their day, it scared the crap out of me.
Have you considered cleaning an empty lot and planting flowers or shrubs? I know seeing something pretty can change some impoverished people’s outlook on the day. Maybe it would give them a positive nudge in the right direction?
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Also, in the spring you could plant some vegetables to give to that neighborhood. It may even get some people to get out and help you with it.
Wendys last blog post..In Search of Her Prince
A food bank is always a good one. Or getting involved in Toys for Tots. Its sponsored by the Marines. And I think Aaron would dig it because he could help other kids get toys for Christmas. http://www.toysfortots.org/ The are always in need of people to sort through toys or pick up deliveries. Plus, you would work along side Marines and so that should be pretty safe.
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I’m afraid I haven’t got any suggestions myself, sorry. But I’m afraid I don’t know more than a dozen of the people who live on my street. Life seems to hectic. Not a great excuse really.
In my former profession I had cause to visit Women’s Rufuges quite a lot. It’s a sad site that greets especially as there are often children involved. At least I knew the women and children were safe there, even if it wasn’t the right outcome.
I have a 2 and 3 year olds and we are planning on doing a couple of things as well. They are each going to pick a name off of an angel tree and they will shop for the child they pick. I am hoping that they can each pick someone their age. I want them to think about giving instead of recieving. My children already have plenty of toys so instead of buying them more “stuff” we will take a portion of what we would normally spend on them, give it to our little ones to use to buy gifts for another child.
Like I said we have plenty of toys already(and they are in great shape) and we know they will be getting lots of gifts from others. So to make room for getting new toys, they are each thinking about what toys they would like to donate to a womens shelter. They will help clean up the toys. Plus we will donate the clothes that don’t fit them anymore and that are in good shape. I am going to have them make cards to go with these items also.
Since my little ones like to help me in the kitchen, we are going to make some special cookies and treats to give to students at the school, that I work at. Plus they will make some cards to go with the treats.
In years past, we that work at the school, have asked the community for Christmas tress, lights, ornaments, tree skirts..ect..things that they want to get rid of but are in good shape. We then put together a tree and decorations for students that otherwise would not have a tree. We also have Santa come and one of the local churches donates gifts and on our last day of school before Christmas we have a party for the young moms and their children. I am going to try to incorporate something my little people could help with in this. I have thought about having my little people help round up food items to donate to a family in need.
I think it’s great that you want to teach your son about giving. And I do agree that it might help with the funk you’ve been in. Thank you for reminding me and others about how important it is to give and that it’s never to early to teach it to our children.
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Our local Humane Society lets kids volunteer with their parents to play with the dogs. Another idea, if you have a dogger of your own who is friendly, would be to take her with you to visit senior centers. I think it’s absolutely fabulous that you’re doing this.
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I vote humane society or animal shelter. What about nursing homes or senior centers? If you’ll recall I did some hard time for my crime at the senior center and children just make their day. I think they also have volunteering at children’s museums or schools.
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Since one of your hot buttons is violence against women, it made me think of Children’s Home Society. I guess because many of the children are there due to violence to them and in the family. I’m not sure what their policies are about young volunteers but it might be worth checking out. I have a friend who adopted twins at 18 mos from there that were neglected by drug-addicted parents. Because they were twins, they were there for 6 months before anyone took them. Everyone wanted one of them. No one wanted both. So their home was CHS for 6 months. Volunteers come in and play with and take care of the children.
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You guys are wonderful and there are so many great ideas here. My mom also called to tell me about an organization she had contact with today called dogs deserve better (www.dogsdeservebetter.com) that needs people to help collect outdated pet food from stores, etc.
I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do with Aaron, but you guys provided some great suggestions for me to research, and l inks. I don’t want to do something that’s a one-time-shot for the holidays, but instead I’m looking for something we can do on an ongoing basis, like once a month. I don’t want him to think community involvement is only a holiday-associated thing that we enjoy once a year.
As soon as we decide on an activity and I finish doing some research, I’ll of course post about it. Of course, of course!! If you have any other suggestions, please let me know. I’m really leaning toward doing something that includes one of our dogs. I’m already training with him, and Aaron LOVES dogs, so maybe combining the concepts could work really well.
Gilda’s Club was created in honor of Gilda Radner to provide a safe, fun, helpful (and non-religious) environment for people living with cancer and their loved ones to get help, information, and just connect with each other. they need all kinds of volunteers for everything from cookie baking, to vacuuming the carpet, to teaching yoga, scrapbooking, or journaling classes. You might even be able to get your son involved in helping with the cookie baking. they also have a lot of kids activities.
They have branches all across the country, but I’m not sure if they have one in your neck of the woods.
there are other similar organizations but I can’t think of their names of the top of my head.
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um. write checks until he’s old enough?
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i have a friend who just had her dog go thru a training program sponsored by St John’s ambulance that deems him now a therapy dog and makes him eligible to visit nursing homes…might be an interesting thing to try if the dog is temperamentally suited…maybe to visit and play with kids too…not being able to have a pet cos of living situations is a hardship that we normally don’t think about…my clients always like it when i bring one of my dogs to work…my GSD used to go all the time and chase balls endlessly for the guys in the backyard (my office is in an old heritage house)…just a thought….
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