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Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.

— Winston Churchill

Mom and The Prick Doctor

Be wary. Be very wary of my mother. She’s discovered my blog and rather than kindly sit back like a good mother should and take in the conversations, she’s decided to participate.

If you see this avator, run.

Not only is she participating, she likes to contradict my childhood memories, call me on the carpet in her various comments here, and then she dials the phone and laughs when I answer. I’ve had to start monitoring my caller ID. Seriously, people. This is getting dangerous. The blog stalking all started a few weeks ago when I mentioned how amazing her apple pie is, and Goodfather suggested we raffle it. Yea, I blame it all on him. Goodfather, DON’T encourage her.

Now that she’s become a regular reader and she’s having too much fun (at my expense), she’s also become a Shout advocate and is making other people read too. Like everybody else, there are posts she likes and posts she doesn’t. Sometimes what I write makes her cry, and other times I make her laugh. She got such a little chuckle out of a post last week about my son being a “city boy” and not knowing that meat doesn’t really come from the grocery store, she printed it out and passed it around.

After sharing with various people, she decided the post was not simply a funny little tid bit—oh no, not my mother. She decided to use it as a weapon to expose a poor, unsuspecting soul and embarrass him.

Her acupuncturist is apparently from New York, or is it New Jersey? I forget. The point is that he’s not from my hometown in rural Vermont (he’s what the locals refer to as a turkey). This guy, the man my father affectionately calls her prick doctor, had no idea that one of his patients was intent on exposing his city boy niativity.

Their most recent appointment together went something like this…

Mom hands him the print out of my blog post.

He reads it, laughs, and then asks with serious medical concern, “Do chickens really dance when you cut their heads off?”Bingo, Mom thinks, The turkey is exposed. Trying not to roll her eyes and laugh at him for his obvious lack of insight, “Well of course. Where do you think the saying comes from, ‘running around like a chicken with your head cut off’?”

The city boy prick doctor has now become the unsuspecting giblet of a new family joke. His name is Lou, and Mom said she gave him this blog address. If he happens to be reading, I’d like to take this opportunity to send out a great big welcome and a plea for help.

Dear Lou,

Thanks so much for stopping by. Since you’re here, it seems like an appropriate time to beg a tiny favor of you. I need your help and I don’t think what I’m about to ask is unethical or unscrupulous. If it is, don’t worry. I’m willing to pay you.

The next time Mom asks you to help her out with a little prick or two, instead of treating her knee can you please focus on strengthening her memory? I’m certain that with all those little needles, there must be a magic spot, or seven, where when placed strategically you can create miracles. With a little help from you, we can probably get my mom to remember I’m actually 36-years-old. You see, Lou, Mom and I only get a limited amount of time together annually, and I’d really like to let her out of the house when she’s visiting, but there’s a problem. She thinks I’m still five and whenever we go out in public she still uses her loud mommy voice to call across a theater…or a store…or a restaurant…”Tricia, do you have to go potty?

Did I mention I’m willing to pay?

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39 comments to Mom and The Prick Doctor

  • Amy

    HEHEHEHE!!! Once a mom, always a mom!!! I love it!

    Amys last blog post..Out Of The Mouths of Babes!

  • Oh, I’m afraid to leave a comment lest she find my link and follow me.

    The “prick” doctor. LOL. You made my day.

    Cheri @ Blog This Mom!s last blog post..One Toe Out of the Closet

  • donna

    Wow Tricia you do have a sense of humor.

    Cheri: don’t worry I only attack my daughter so no worries.

    Tricia: If you did not dance like a little girl when you have to go potty I would not try to find you a potty when we are out. And sure she tells all of you that she is afraid to take me out when we are visiting but what she neglected to tell you all is that she chained me to a sewing machine and would not let me out until I made curtains and pillows and a costum for Aaron.

    Lou: Please keep an open mind about my daughter, she is trying to be a stand up comedian and it isn’t working so well for her.
    but keep reading she really is a good person.

    Goodfather: I never said that I made the best apple pie in the world that came out of Tricia’s mouth. I think that I don’t know how I have forgotten how. Tricia says that I have a short memory.

  • donna

    Oops: typos sorry everyone it must be the short memory.

  • i’m lucky, when i write about my parents or my childhood my parents just decline to comment. my mom might call and tell me how she remembers it, but they don’t call me to the carpet on my blog.

    Memarie Lanes last blog post..Spewky!

  • Tricia

    Amy: NO, NO, NO. You see…this “mom” thing…I’m quite sure it can be cured with medical intervention, and I’m counting on a prick doctor to accomplish it.

    Cheri: I’m glad this made your day because it’s going to be a long one since you’re up before 5:00 on a Monday morning.

    Mom: Well, the proverbial apple and craptacular spelling skills obviously don’t fall far from the tree. I’d just like to REMIND you that it was your grandson who chained you to a sewing machine, not me, and please tell Lou that I’m not in any way trying to be a stand up comedian. I ALWAYS sit when I’m writing.

    Marie: I think it’s wonderful that your parents read your blog.

  • donna

    WOW lucky that I remeber to love you and your sister and your brother and your kiddo and Kristy’s kiddo and Nick’s kiddo.
    But I do. Good thing
    XOXOX
    forgot that on the last one so here it is twice
    XOXOX
    that memory thing, darn it

  • Tricia

    Mom: There are some things that regardless of the onset of senility, you’ll never be able to forget. We simply won’t let you.

    XOXO

  • Jan

    Dear Mrs. Tricia’s Mom,

    I will not run from the Eeyore icon or the motherly intervention (have I told you I adore all things Winnie the Pooh?). I heart you! You are the mother of one of my absolute favorite bloggers of all time and if it weren’t for you, she wouldn’t be the wonderful woman she is. Keep up the good work!

    Jan

    P.S. My grandmother still holds my hand and reminds me to look both ways when we cross the street.

    Jans last blog post..Maybe It’s Just Getting All Out of Hand

  • hmmm…

    2 things…

    does the acupuncture guy know he’s referred to as ‘the prick doctor’ which is a name that has at least three interpretations?

    and does mom have her own blog? maybe you should set her up…then you could cameo on hers too…and how great for you! it looks like you’ll have an on-call guest blogger should you ever decide to take a vacation…cos that’s what moms are for in the age of technology…

    thistles last blog post..Manic Monday #140

  • Ha Ha! This is too funny! I love watching the back-and-forth banter between a mom and her adult daughter. And I’ve got a great visual of you dancing like “a little girl” when you have to “go potty”. Tee hee:)

    thatcoolbroads last blog post..Cool Tune: Monty Python “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”

  • LOL! Is your mother’s name Lucy? Could she be related to Lucy? I can’t even tell you how many times the potty question was asked of me in public, as an adult, loudly! Who knew there were two of them! And for the record: If Lucy were still with us, she would be printing out my stories to share with anyone who would listen.

    Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..AND THEY SAID WE’D NEVER LAST

  • donna

    Jan: Thank You, who couldn’t love winnie the pooh.

    thistle: yes Lou does know that he is called the prick doctor.
    he handles it well.

    smart mouth broad: I wish that I was related to Lucy. She was a cool old broad. hmmmmm maybe I am related.

    Tricia: Bllllllllltttttttt

  • Tricia

    Jan: I puffy heart with sparkles love you, but if you are really sweet to my mom, I’m quite sure she’ll throw me off the train and take you home instead.

    Thistle: I’ve suggested Mom get her own blog, but she continues to procrastinate, and quite frankly I think I like having administrative delete powers.

    TCB: I am hiding in shame that you actually have a visual.

    Smart Mouth Broad: You’re encouraging her, aren’t you. Damn.

    Mom: You are not related to Lucy, I called Grammy and she confirmed there are NO really cool old broads with red hair in the family lineage. (XOXOXO).

  • I love it. We get two comments for the price of one! It’s like a bargain blog!

    Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..I LOVE ME SOME PAULA DEEN

  • LMAO! I enjoyed the post, but the back and forth comments were even better. :D I think I scared my mom off when I wrote a mad-post about her. My blood-sugar was low. I’ve told her and apologized, but she says she still isn’t reading. Heh. I guess that gives me even more freedom to write whatever I want. ;)

    Wendys last blog post..Breaking Through. Maybe

  • Tehehehe! Your mom can some stay with me anytime. I just worry about the snarky things she might say on my blog. How awesome is she? Send her over! I’d love to meet her. My mom still calls by blog a “blob” and believes that she can only look at it at work. She says she can’t figure out how to read it from home. Also, she prints pages of it out for my dad to read. I have to give her credit though, she does pimp it out to lots of people. My mom’s friends read it and then gossip about it. I’m a hit with 60 year old women. Who would have thought? I love your mom!

    jenboglass (steenkybee)s last blog post..Fattie: Week 3

  • Oh my goodness! Mom is a riot! This is like my dad, who keeps telling people in my hometown about my blog! Now I have to really think of my audience before I go on a rant!!

    HeatherPrides last blog post..Photo Essay: Aaaaahhhhhh

  • LOL!! Great post!! I would also love to meet your Mom. And her apple pie.

    Thnaks for the linky love! I still think the raffle is a good idea. :D

    goodfathers last blog post..Posting every day this month

  • donna

    Well Tricias sister says that any IDOT can make an apple pie. But please ask Tricia if she can? How ever she does make a mean apple crisp, but of course guess who gave her the recipie.
    And I would love to meet you all. We could talk about Tricia and the potty dance that she still does at the age of 36.
    There is nothing wrong with my memory. Thank you all for the kind comments. Oh and FYI Tricia went in and corrected my spelling on this blog so I guess that I can be the worlds worst speller and still be OK.
    Thanks Tricia.
    XOXOX

  • Tricia

    Smart Mouth Broad: You know I’ve had a recurring identity crisis about my blog, but I think you just solve that with the bargain blog comment. Perfect!

    Wendy: I keep trying to scare my mom off, but apparently it’s not working. She’s persistent, that’s for sure.

    Jen: My mom is only 53 (am I allowed to tell you that?)And what’s the deal with being nicer to my mom than I am. Between you and Jan, I’m going to be disowned soon. Mom will figure out that not all daughters are disrespectful smart arses.

    HeatherPride: OMG! I know exactly what you mean. Now that I know my family reads, and some of the folks from back home, I really do need to be more careful. Maybe.

    Goodfather: Which part of DON’T ENCOURAGE did you not understand?

    Mom: Let’s just get this straight once and for all. All the idiots who can make pie…yea…whatever. Perhaps I’m the smart one who claims ignorance so everyone doesn’t bug me to make pie all the time, like we all bug you. Who’s the foolish broad on this particular instance? And please, I am no longer going to fix your typos, so stop calling and asking me to. XOXOXO

  • This post had me in hysterics! LOL.

    Too funny and cute!

    Brandygirls last blog post..When love becomes this simple and beautiful

  • My family used to be the same way… they would tell anyone who would listen that I had a blog and some family members even printed out posts and passed them around at work. Since I’ve started occasionally mentioning my boobs and cursing, it doesn’t happen as much. Heh.

    Sammanthias last blog post..Fall, Shmall

  • Wait.. doesn’t every one do the potty dance?

    I was going to say how cool it was that your Mom is so computer savvy for her age.. and then I read on and discovered that she’s the same age I am. What a YOUNG Mom you have!

    Hilarys last blog post..Lights, Camera, Action!

  • You two have seriously got to take your act on the road.

    I did laugh heartily when I read that “she printed it out and passed it around.” What? Trolling all over the Internet but doesn’t email links rather than print them out?

    And, yes, your mom is so very, very young.

    patoiss last blog post..An Obligatory Post

  • I love the back and forth Mom banter. Donna needs to get her own blog. I’d be a fan for sure.
    Also, if there is an apple pie raffle, I have no problem throwing goodfather down to win it.

    sherendipitys last blog post..Soon that white crap will be floating around, and I’m not talking dandruff

  • Tricia

    Brandygirl: My mom is cute, I’m just too sarcastic for my own good.

    Sammanthia: What is it with parental disdain for discussing our female parts and cursing? You’d think they’d be over the whole idea of what we do reflects poorly on them kind of thinking.

    Hilary: My mom emailed me this morning to remind me that she’s NOT YET 53. In fact she has a little more than a month to still enjoy being 52. Geez, sorry Mom.

    Patois: My mom is really a tad technically challenged, but my dad, now you should meet him. He’s technically inept and proud of it.

    Sherendipity: You may be onto something. Maybe we could host a mud wrestling contest and who ever wins gets a whole apple pie.

  • donna

    And who is to make this apple pie for the contest? It better be close to home so I don’t have to travel

    Tricia: Thank you for letting everyone know my real age. like I said you are not 37 yrt are you? Or did I just forget.

    Thanks patois I feel young most of the time, My children keep me that way.

  • Jan

    Pssst – Tricia…I’m posting an apple pie recipe for Thanksgiving Thursday in a couple of weeks. Maybe I can give Mrs. Tricia’s Mom a run for her money? *wink*

    Jans last blog post..And So It Begins…

  • Tricia

    Oh Jan. This sounds like a pie-off. What will the winner get? I want to be a judge. I want a whole pie from each of you to taste test. I’m going to be in pie heaven!!

  • donna

    I bet that we would have a lot of volunters to judge that contest. But what would the winner get? Hmmmmmmm, maybe the looser would have to travel to see the winner in her home town. Now that would be fun. What do you think Jan, a cook off?

  • That is hilarious! My mom remembers how old I am, but she just can’t seem to remember that her phone calls don’t “bother” me! Do you think Dr Lou can help with that too? I am tired of having this exact converstation:

    Mom: I am sorry to call and bother you!

    Me: You are not bothering me.

    WickedStepMoms last blog post..Attack of the Face Suckers!

  • Jen

    You guys are too funny!!

    Jens last blog post..It’s a beautiful day

  • The Prick Doc

    I enjoyed reading your blog. As for your request, I would not find it at all unethical or unscrupulous to answer your plea for help if your mother was in fact… a patient of mine. Donna has shown up on occasion in pajamas at my place of residence, demanding treatment for different ailments with Acupuncture yes, but I think any health-care professional would find it unprofessional to give said treatment to anyone on their front lawn at 4am:)

    P.S.- Your mom is a great lady, and just because she calls me by a different name every time she comes in for treatment, I can’t help but to like her.

    The Turkey

  • [...] yesterday that has completely changed the scenario. Do you remember a post from a few days ago, Mom and the Prick Doctor, where I sent out a plea to my mother’s acupuncturist and asked him to focus on helping with [...]

  • HA!! I saw your more recenpt post and HAD to come over to see for myself.

    Thank you!!

    Grandys last blog post..The Sweet Old Man

  • [...] be remiss not to also mention that our last night in Vermont was spent with the Prick Doctor. Yes, I finally met the man with the needles and of course he’s worthy of a post, or [...]

  • Brad

    Oh how I can’t believe I’ve missed all these good posts! Blame it on starting my own business, being ill, getting laid off, whatever. All I really know is that it is a moral imperative that I have some of this apple pie. I’ll even travel to Vermont. How close are the nearest ski slopes?

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