Getting Over Myself
I’ve been in a rather self-defeating funk for months. It’s one of those ugly funks where every time I look in the proverbial mirror everything I see is negative. I’m so fed up with my funk, with myself, that I’m desperate to make some changes.
The good thing about desperation is it requires movement. I’m fully aware that my funk is self-imposed, that it’s all about my head and a bunch of tiny voices that I allow to dominate the conversation (yes, I talk to myself). It’s become quite boring, and if I’m bored with me, I can’t even begin to imagine the restlessness my family and friends feel in regards to our interactions. (yes, I know I’ve not been returning phone calls or emails, just deal with it for a tad longer).
I don’t like straight roads. I’ve apparently forgotten that I’m not the kind of gal who takes a third-row seat and waves a bystander’s flag. I’ve always jumped head first, but for a zillion unpulsing excuses, I’ve allowed myself to become one of those people who dips her toe instead of simply diving. It’s completely opposite of my instincts and my nature.
You know all those personality tests HR departments and leadership training programs like to throw at people to help determine individual strengths and personality traits? There are lots of them: Myers Briggs, the D.I.S.C., Keirsey. Want to know what my results always indicate? They say I’m crazy—I’m equally creative and analytical with a bent for domination. I used to think it was cool that only one percent of the population shares my traits. I now realize it really means I’m a freak—a creative, analytical freak, but still a freak and now I’m in a six month funk, so I’m a funky freaky. Are you following any of this? If you’re not, that’s OK. Sometimes I just have to write my way out of a box. If you get it, that’s a bonus and I’m sending you a big cyber hug.
I honestly believe we set our own boundaries, create our own boxes and stew in our own juices. I am my own bad dream. I also believe we set our own goals, create our own successes and stew in our own happiness. The scenario is up to me.
When someone in my life begins to ponder on and on and on and on about how to create change in their life, I get terribly frustrated. For God’s sake just do something, anything, but don’t simply stop.
Apparently I need to take my own advice. So listen up funk … I’m going to fake it till I make it and that dark cloud you’ve been hanging over my head … it’s time to let the sun shine.
I can so relate to your funk. I’m not a bystander either. There have been times when the funk took over my life and stayed awhile too. It followed a period of taking on too much. The funk was good because it allowed me to realize that I can’t be that “dive right in” person for all the areas of my life. There are only so many hours in a day. Because of the funk, I was able to find the areas of my life that are worth diving into and weed out the others. Saving the wheat and throwing away the chaff, if you will. Congrats on coming out on the brighter side.
Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM A FOGGY HEAD
I don’t know your exact funk, but funk I know.
May it dissipate soon and return to funkytown, where it belongs.
Lisa Miltons last blog post..outed
You know, one of my best friends lost 160 lbs. That’s like a whole person! She even ended up on Oprah to talk about it. I just sat and bawled as I watched the whole thing on television. Oprah asked her what her motivation was to get up and make such big changes to her life. My friends, Julee said, “There was no motivation. Sometimes you just have to go through the motions and the motivation will follow.”
That piece of wisdom has stuck with me since then. Whether it’s should I exercise today or should I get up off my butt and write something. I don’t wait for the motivation any more. I just make myself move and often times, it works.
As an aside, I just love it over here. You ARE a different breed of blogger. But you know what, that’s what makes it so refreshing. After a while, a lot of us just start to run together and sound the same as much as we’d like to think we’re unique. But, my dear, you definitely are unique. I always give a little smile when I see my reader has an update from you!
steenky bees last blog post..The Spin Cycle: Frankie says, ‘Relax’. Jen doesn’t know Frankie but wishes he would always wear clean undershorts.
I have to concur with Jen – you are different, refreshing, and you have a great blog. I too look forward to your posts.
Yay for letting the sunshine in! I was in a funk that lasted ten years or so, during which I almost drank myself to death. I’m all for Not Funking.
Happy Friday!
goodfathers last blog post..Pudding pants
Hey, is that the Post Raisin Bran sun? Cuz if it is, you are well on your way to a great day! Just repeat the mantra: Two scoops…two scoooops….
Would a stiff drink help?
How about a nice Hawaiian punch?
A swift kick in the ass?
Here’s to the funk getting the funk out of your freak.
Margaret (Nanny Goats)s last blog post..Nation’s Unemployment Rate Increases by .000001% Today
Well I know for sure that I was a big I and a little d on the DISC test, so are we compatible??
Sweet girl, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through a funk. I’ve been a little funky myself lately and I think a lot of it has to do with going back to work after maternity leave and not being happy with my job anymore when really all I want to do is be home with my kids.
So that said, go ahead and start faking it – it won’t be long until you make it!!
HeatherPrides last blog post..Friday Flashback: The High School Years
SMB: I like the idea of saving the wheat and throwing away the chaff, after all, chaffing is terribly uncomfortable. I sincerely appreciate your words of wisdom and I know they are heart felt.
Lisa: I know you’ve most certainly felt the creative funk, and I agree…lets ban it to funky town with a one-way ticket!
Jen: Holly shit…160 pounds. You’re right that’s a whole person. What an incredible inspiration. The next time you see your friend, please give her a hug from this blog buddy. Her words are so, so very true and I find them motivating too.
Godfather: thank you for the affirmation. It’s like a group hug in a time with I need a few. When someone kicks an addiction that has consumed his or her life, the whole world should celebrate. Congratulations on your sobriety and all the happiness I know you’ve found.
Margaret: number three, a swift kick in the ass is exactly what I need. No beating around the bush, just bring on that boot, please!
HeatherPride: OMG! Do you have any idea how much I need you in my life. My I is so low, it doesn’t even show up on the chart!!!!! I’m sending you a great big hug on the mommy front. Because I didn’t give birth to Aaron, few cut me any slack on the going back to work thing, especially myself, and it was really, really tough. I was answering email in the hospital and so stupidly afraid of losing my edge. A few months later I started my own business so I could at least have an illusion of balance. Being a working mom is an incredibly difficult gig, anyway you slice it, and I wish you the absolute best. This sharing of personality types was an “I” kind of moment, don’t you think? Maybe I have some I in my blog interactions, hah!
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Such a well written and fun post! I can relate. I cause all my grief myself and every single thing about me that makes me unique is what makes me difficult …
This is the kind of talk I should give myself every so often
Mayas last blog post..Are you a storyteller? What is your story?
Ah, the lovely HR personality tests. I’m the one that put lots of effort deciding how to answer questions so I could end up the person I wanted to be.
I hear you on funks. I’m starting to get sick of myself too. No more.
I love your line about stewing in our own juices. I’m going to have to reflect on that a bit.
Lisa Ps last blog post..Refrigerators
Maya: I love that line…the things that make me unique are what makes me difficult. I think this is a phrase I’m going to share with my husband…it may help him to remember why he really wants to embrace my difficult traits.
Lisa: No! No! and No! If you reflect on the stewing in juices line, you’ll write some short, meaningful & poignant post that will haunt me, much like the baby chicks post has haunted me for days and days and days and days.
Girl…you and me both. Do you remember that Seinfeld episode where George decided that this year would be the “year of George”? That’s how I feel (except not the George part).
thatcoolbroads last blog post..Cool Tune: Black Eyed Peas “Let’s Get it Started”
you go girl. i do the same thing to myself, i guess we all do. snapping out of it can be tough, but you can do it.
Madges last blog post..Confessions and the BFL – Week 11
I think we all go through these times, but the important thing is to realize it and fight back. You can worry about the rain falling around you, or you can look around for the rainbow. Does that make any sense at all?
I’m just now getting past a funk myself, so I’m here if you need to talk.
Wendys last blog post..It’s Been A While
Fall does that to a lot of people. Take some time to find the humor in things and the simple joys. Most of all, be positive even if you aren’t necessarily feeling it. It works. You’ll get there.
Jims last blog post..The Ballad of Little Dog
i have a feeling that i might be another one of that one percent that are the ‘freaks’you speak of in that i am creative and always coming up with ideas and ways to do things, but also one to take the time to think of the big picture (some have said i think too much LOL). I have a really hard time understanding people who just go off on a flight of fancy without thinking about all the rest of the implications…good and bad…for the situation at hand. Currently i am working for (hardly ‘with’) a ‘boss’ and a couple of co-workers who are very reactive to the clients and do very little deep processing before they act, and it’s extremely frustrating. However, i have just recently come out the other side of a very big funk that has had me barely participating in my life for an extended period of time…and i am stronger for it…and so being surrounded by the supreme idiocy doesn’t seem to affect me as negatively as it used to. It’s almost fun to take them on and slay them on the battlefield that is our workplace. There’s something to be said for the renewed confidence i’ve found in ‘middle age’.
thistles last blog post..Friday Fill-Ins #98
/agreed.
i used to have a real anxiety problem, i let fear run my life. one day i just decided i wasn’t going to put up with that crap anymore. amazingly enough, it worked.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..The List
tcb: I think this coming year should be the year of The Cool Broad, absolutely. Let’s make it happen.
Madge: I’m snapping, seriously I am and not in a bad way, I promise.
Wendy: I love rainbows and I know you’ve had to look for your share lately. Thanks so much for extending the kindness.
Jim: Thanks! Humor is not my strong point, but I’m working on that because you’re so right and I’m learning to laugh at myself more often.
Thistle: Congratulations for all that it sounds like you’ve been able to accomplish, and for being a warrior on the battlefield. I hope I’m following in your foot prints and being much more participatory in life, starting NOW.
Marie: Ahhh. I’m always inspired when people can just kick their own self into a different direction or mindset and make it happen. Good for you!!
Between your post and the comment thread, there’s a lot of thought and reflection in this neck of the woods. I think recognizing when you are in a funk is a huge step. I think I have gone through long periods of time where I was so busy trying to keep up with my life I didn’t take the time to realize how overwhelmed I was.
Have you ever read The Holographic Universe? It came highly recommended, but it was over my head. You and thistle sound like you could take it on.
I liked this line from steenky bee “Sometimes you just have to go through the motions and the motivation will follow.” I’d like to get that message through to a lot of my students (and their parents).
phhhsts last blog post..Friday Foto
I’d take one percent over just-like-everybody-else any day, my friend. This is a great post. I’m excited to see where it leads.
maggie, dammits last blog post..Love Letter
Here’s to the crazy people out there, just like you. And many of the rest of us, too.
patoiss last blog post..The Weekly Wonderings #84
We all have a little freaky in us … so you know what I am gong to say right?
Things happen for a reason,let them happen!
For so many years I tried to force things to happen in my life, thinking out every move and doing what I thought was ‘right’ (not according to my heart or gut feeling but according to what society expected or family/friends would approve of) and it got me NO WHERE! Somewhere in the last few years I decided to do my own thing and I think I have grown with leaps and bounds and I am HAPPY!!!!!
This book is a quick, easy read and helped me so much put my life into prospective: Instructions to the Cook: A Zen Master’s Lessons in Living a Life That Matters by by Bernard Glassman and Rick Fields.
Keep writing because I do think it helps and I love it!!!
Amys last blog post..Rainy Saturday
What I appreciate about you is your utter frankness and honesty. You are quite direct and bold, aren’t you?
garys last blog post..the return, the getting the act back together, the reunion
phhhst: One of the things I continue to adore about the people who stop here long enough to comment is the thoughtful reflection. Rarely is anyone a drive-by commenter and that’s wonderful. Thanks for the book recommendation, I will check it out for sure.
maggie: Me too.
patois:celebrating the craziness does sound like a good idea.
Amy: You have grown by leaps and bounds and are truly creating your own path for you and your family. It’s wonderful this journey you’re creating. Thanks for the book reference and the kindness.
gary: Your perception is incredibly interesting to me because I feel I’ve grown timid with time, and it’s something I really want to vanquish.
[...] Friday I said I was going to fake it till I make it, and I’m serious. When Jen commented that her friend who lost an astonishing 160 pounds said, “There was no motivation. Sometimes you just have to go through the motions and the motivation will follow,” I believe it. I’ve experienced it before, and I’ll do it again. I’m not talking about weight gain or loss and perhaps neither was she. Cleaning my closet and spending time with friends are small steps in eliminating funk, but if my tells aren’t telling me I suck, I may be able to hear something else. [...]
I like the concept of thinking your way to success. I’ll have to give that more thought.
Seriously, you speak the truth for many of us. Those inner voices can be deadly. I need a new conversation too.
Hilarys last blog post..Mental Snapshots