Fake It Till I Make It: My Tells
Have you ever heard of a poker tell? A tell is a subtle change in a player’s behavior or demeanor that provides clues to his or her hand. I think we all have life tells, subtle little quirks that provide insights for our family and friends about our current state-of-mind, not just how we’re playing the game, but how we’re dreaming, or sinking, or living.
I posted Friday that I’ve been in a funk for several months, an ugly funk, and that I’m tired of this dark cloud I’ve allowed to settle. Like Thistle who responded that she, “… just recently come out the other side of a very big funk that has had me barely participating in my life for an extended period of time…and i am stronger for it…” I know the other side of my own funk holds new adventure and discovery. Packing the funk and waving adios requires I take a look at my tells, not to hide them from anyone, but because the only way to stop pandering is to reengage myself.
My Two Most Telling Tells
#1). My husband always says he can tell the state-of-my-mind by the state of my closet. He’s right. My closet currently looks like a two-year-old went on a treasure hunt and was particularly unamused with each discovery. When I’m in Funky Town, I typically stop exercising and become orgasmicaly enamored with all things chocolate. The dark and ill-fated affair adds plump to my frame and my clothes feel confining. I’ll start throwing pants and shirts into various heaps rather than putting them neatly away. Those lanky denims with zippers and buttons refusing closure-they’re only worthy of the floor.
Of course the messier my closet becomes, the messier I feel. Clutter and disorganization drive me crazier. I like things streamlined, neat, easy to find and most of all, I like a size six, but an eight will do. Putting on weight and excusing myself from an exercise regime only makes the funk worse. It’s a cycle, you see, and there’s only one person who can stop the wheels. My head feels better when my body feels better. This week, I’m committed to cleaning my closet.
#2). My sister would say my tell is an unusual avoidance of family and friends. I stop spending time with people who make me laugh. I avoid long phone calls that lead to probing questions. I’m a master at turning a conversational tide so that it washes over someone else rather than allowing it to expose me. I work from home and becoming a hermit is enticing. It’s so easy to avoid people; I hardly have to make an effort. I’ll wallow in excuses to stay home rather than enjoy a friend’s company, and I’ll drown myself in work rather than walk in the sunshine. Like a messy closet, a messy social life complicates my funk and dampens my enthusiasm for life, but it’s very hard for me to ask for help, and even harder to admit when I need it. This week, I’m committed to some girl time.
Side note:
Dear Graphic Goddess…I need you. I’m asking for your help. The hell with the deadlines. Let’s schedule those massages and margaritas!
Friday I said I was going to fake it till I make it, and I’m serious. When Jen commented that her friend who lost an astonishing 160 pounds said, “There was no motivation. Sometimes you just have to go through the motions and the motivation will follow,” I believe it. I’ve experienced it before, and I’ll do it again. I’m not talking about weight gain or loss and perhaps neither was she. Cleaning my closet and spending time with friends are small steps in eliminating funk, but if my tells aren’t telling me I suck, I may be able to hear something else.
So tell me, please, what’s your tell?
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Comment by Smalltown Mom on 16 November 2008:
I’m in a funk so often it’s hard for me to tell. Ha ha, bad pun.
Not hanging up my clothes is a big tell. And just wearing what’s on top of the clean pile instead of pulling something together out of the closet.
Becoming a total hermit is another…today I almost paid $17 to ship some candy, because I didn’t want to drive 1/2 hour to the See’s candy store (I wanted some for gifts, not just myself). I managed to drag myself out, though!
Smalltown Moms last blog post..Odd Museums
Comment by thistle on 16 November 2008:
i think messy closets and wearing the first thing off the pile that fits and is clean may be a universal tell. Dark clothes are another one for me…and when it’s really really bad, a ‘God just get me thru this day do i oan come home and hibernate’ kind of day, i’v been known to…uh…scrimp on the makeup. Not pretty and definitely a ’stay away from me’ kind of move…yikes…
thistles last blog post..Friday Fill-Ins #98
Comment by Amy on 16 November 2008:
So does this mean that friends and family should be bugging you! Scroll down through those emails and start answering all those that have gone out of sight!!!
And maybe your little guy should pick out your clothes this week, he could add some fun!!!!
Amys last blog post..Babywearing & Motrin
Comment by donna on 17 November 2008:
I think that the holidays will put people in a funk as well. However I think that you need to pick yourself up and take your self out and do something for some one less fortunate than you. Take Aaron with you.
What would you say to me if I were in a funk and told you. You would kick my butt and tell me to get over myself. Or the conversation would go something like this “Mom why are you in a funk? Do you need to talk to Donit about it?” You need to figure it out and make it better.
So do something nice for yourself. Buy a new coffee mug, or a new lip color. It doesn’t have to be expensive just something small that will put a smile on your face every time that you use it.
Involve a girlfriend. God knows that ypu are always there for everyone else. You are a good friend and wife. Do I need to fly down there and kick your butt. I can do it you know.Don’t put it past me to do something like that.
Love you and just concerened .
XOXOX
Comment by gary on 17 November 2008:
hmmmm, gotta let it sink in….I do know that my wife’s face is a billboard, VERY easy to read, but not sure what to say about myself…
garys last blog post..my beloved pickled beet said to me today…
Comment by Tricia on 17 November 2008:
SmallTownMom: I like your ‘bad’ pun. I’ve done exactly what you almost did, and paid shipping when I didn’t really have to. Great for you that you dragged yourself out. I hope you got some yummy See’s candy for yourself.
Thistle: I know what you mean. If I don’t put on eye liner and mascara, somebody should really know it’s a huge tell to call the psyche ward.
Amy: Bugging me tends to make me want to retreat more. Perhaps it’s like a turtle who only comes out of his shell when he feels ready.
Donna: I just went and put clean sheets in your room. When are you arriving? Actually, taking Aaron to do some charitable work is a great idea and I know it would make me and him feel great. Now, when is it that you’re arriving?
Gary: What a wonderful connection you have with your wife to be so in-tune with her and her expressions.
Comment by goodfather on 17 November 2008:
My car goes to seed when I’m not at 100%. I stop vacuuming it out. My kids know something is wrong when my car looks like I’ve been living in it. Cleaning my car is a good way for me to get out of my own funky town. As it were.
goodfathers last blog post..Shiny shriny
Comment by HeatherPride on 17 November 2008:
Refusing to go into my usual kid-care routine is my tell. When my husband is the one making chicken nuggets and giving baths while I hide in the computer room, that means I’m pretty close to the edge.
Going through the motions will help you get there, for sure. {hugs}
HeatherPrides last blog post..A Mother’s Mind
Comment by blissfully caffeinated on 17 November 2008:
Yep, the funk is real and it’s not fun. My tell is lethargy. Can’t clean, can’t blog, can’t cook, can’t find motivation for anything. Whoever said that thing about going through the motions until the motivation comes is a genius and should write a self-help book.
Also, my closet is always a disaster zone, funky or not. I wish I had that closet in the picture.
Hug.
blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..Life Is Not Whatnot
Comment by Jan on 17 November 2008:
Ah - I just wrote about this myself.
I do more housework than usual - I tend to be the kind of person who, once I’m miserable, feels it necessary to pile the misery on, and there is absolutely NOTHING that makes me more miserable than housework. I cannot find any balance when I’m in a funk - I’ll cook, clean and work until I’m weeping with frustration. I stop communicating beyond what is absolutely necessary, and won’t answer my phone. I refuse all offers of help.
I’m spiraling into a funk myself, but I know what’s causing it - winter is coming on and I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. I intend to buy a lightbox this week. And yes, I will fake it till I make it.
Jans last blog post..An Incredible Cure for What Ails Me
Comment by Lori on 17 November 2008:
My “tells” are that I don’t cook as much or I should say cook as nice of meals or put as much thought into them. I stop taking the time to exercise when normally I love to work out. I tend to pull away from people and not talk as much…mainly I get really quiet…at least that’s what my husband notices.
Just want to say that I have been reading some of your past post’s and I really enjoy your blog. I love your honesty and realness. Happy Monday to you!
Loris last blog post..I am resilient, hear me roar!
Comment by Midlife Slices on 17 November 2008:
I think my “tell” shows in my housekeeping skills and the fact that I stop getting out of my pajamas for days on end. I do bathe though so if I ever stop that, then someone needs to haul my ass to the happy hospital.
I hope you get back to that good place again soon. Holidays are rough so hang in there.
Midlife Slicess last blog post..Please Send Paper Bags And Xanax
Comment by Margaret (Nanny Goats) on 17 November 2008:
Did you want a Funky tell? Or any kind of tell? Like, can I tell you about a tell that tells everyone about when I have to go to the bathroom? I do the pee-pee dance. I think I’m being subtle, but my friends peg me every time, saying things like, “Do you have to use the little girl’s room?” or “Don’t you think you should go powder your nose, or something?”
Margaret (Nanny Goats)s last blog post..I May Be Unemployed, But I’ve Got Big Plans
Comment by Beth - total mom haircut on 17 November 2008:
Huh. Interesting question! I think wearing the same thing day after day is a big one for me. It never gets put away and I just grab the same things off the top of the pile. It’s telling because it means that a) there is a pile, b) I haven’t washed the clothes if I’m wearing them and c) I don’t care enough to find something other than the easiest thing.
Beth - total mom haircuts last blog post..Lunches, Links, Holidays, and…Links
Comment by Nora Bee on 18 November 2008:
I love this idea of “tells.” (Not a poker player)
I stop getting haircuts. Then start wearing ponytails every day. It sucks.
Nora Bees last blog post..The secret to shoo fly pie
Comment by Smart Mouth Broad on 18 November 2008:
I’m a really bad poker player and a really bad faker. My kids can always tell by my face. I must make the most awful faces when I’m thinking about things. That’s what puts me into a funk. When there is just too much going on. I keep plowing through but inside, it’s complete turmoil. I always think that I can have the nervous break-down later. Sometimes I even admire people who can give in to it. Is that awful?
I’m glad that you are finding your way out. Blog your way through it. I can’t help but think it’s a good thing that you’re doing here.
Great post Tricia. You never fail to make me think.
Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..HIP HOP BOOTY for beginners
Comment by kristy on 18 November 2008:
Don’t worry mom I am on my way down next week and you can pack your kick in the pants for Tricia in my suitcase and I will gladly take it out and hand it to her. Tricia, I know that when you get this way that it is best not to push so I have left the tell signs alone but they have been waving their red flags in my face for weeks and I have resisted, but when I come down next week we can have good sister time and I have no trouble making you laugh. I will help you fake it unitl your motivation starts to follow you around again. Love you
Comment by Tricia on 18 November 2008:
Kristy: Please deliver the kick gently. Sister time will definitely help, as well as some baby giggles from that sweet niece of mine, who I can’t wait to see. I love you too, and thanks for not pushing.
Comment by Jim on 18 November 2008:
It’s a rare occasion when I get into a funk. When I do though, it’s usually one addled thought after another. I’ll forget to do or finish projects. I’ll forget something I was thinking about 5 minutes before hand. That kind of stuff.
Jims last blog post..The Meds
Comment by Carole on 19 November 2008:
I guess letting the house go is one of the most common funk detectors.
You’re so right about it being a cycle, and coming out of it is a cycle. Cleaning the closet is a great start. Little accomplishments make you motivated to do the next thing, and the next, …
I do have a self improvement course on this very thing. Taking back control of the house, then your self esteem, your diet, and so on. But it sounds to me like you already know what you need to do.
I thought about putting up the Christmas tree last weekend. The space is cleared….Why not bring a little warm fuzzy spirit into the house?
Caroles last blog post..More Vitamin Trashing
Comment by Lisa P on 20 November 2008:
Holy cow, I’m a cleaning machine when I’m unhappy. When I feel out of control I overcompensate in other areas. My sister is the same way. Whenever my husband smells a Windex cloud, he knows to stand back. He knows I’m straightening the things that feel doable at that point. A dirty house usually means I’m happy because I’m so absorbed in other activities my house falls behind.