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Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.

— Winston Churchill

My Husband is Running Scared

My husband hates to disappoint me. In fact, I can’t remember any significant decision I’ve made or new path I’ve wanted to explore that he’s not supported. A new career? Dye my hair purple and go live with the Aborigines? “Sure,” he’d say, “What are you waiting for?”

Recently I’ve begun to suspect that his endearing inability to watch me frown has him running scared.

The Back Story: You see, when we married we agreed not to have children. He already had four, and I just wanted a puppy. After a few years, I predictably changed my mind. As I struggled silently between a new and overwhelming desire to become a mother and my earlier promise not to care, my husband stepped in and rescued me from myself. He took me in his arms and declared that wanting a child was the most natural thing in the world, and that he loved me too much to deny me the honor of motherhood. That moment set us on an unexpected path and a five-year journey with infertility.

We have an amazing four-year-old son and as my baby is no longer a baby at all, I’ve often felt that twinge of longing for a second child. When I twinge, my husband feels it even when I think my emotions are discrete. In response to my twinging, I’ve noticed that much of the baby equipment is disappearing from our house.

The pack ‘n play—GONE.

The 77 gates & baby-proofing minutia—VANISHED

A couple of days ago I opened the trash can in our garage to discover the umbrella stroller inside.

Last night we had guests for dinner and to accommodate their adorable eight-month-old, I asked my husband to bring the highchair out of storage. We have the highchair, but the tray that goes with it—DISAPPEARED.

Yes, dear friends, I think my husband is rather worried. I’d let him sweat it for a while longer, but the truth is he can’t afford to lose much more hair and I have no real desire to tackle sleepless nights and millions of diaper changes again. Although the infant and toddler experience was soul satiating and passed by much too quickly, I like this new stage we’re in where my son is more independent, is turning into quite the little conversationalist and his desire to explore bigger concepts and opportunities is abundant.

If my adoring husband happens to read this, I’d like to assure him I’m not going to begin a baby campaign, and he really can stop the stealth disposal of baby equipment. After all, with much of our family in other parts of the world, it’s very convenient to have certain paraphernalia on hand when we host visitors. So my dear husband, please rest assured those twinges are only twinges and not full-blown yearnings. This wife is not at all interested in mothering a second infant. Really, I promise.

Umm, have I mentioned adopting a three-year old is a much more attractive proposition. Don’t fret. I’ve phoned your doctor and he’s calling in a prescription for blood pressure medication.

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18 comments to My Husband is Running Scared

  • “stealth disposal of baby equipment”

    I suppose that is a very big hint.

    So well said. I always see a baby and . . . *sigh*

    But that doesn’t mean I would/should/could have a baby.

    Cheri @ Blog This Mom!s last blog post..I Was Hawt Sailor Dude Eye Candy on Maui

  • I’m so glad you stopped by my place. I love it over here! I’m coming back. It’s not a threat. It’s more if a promise.

    You know, we have 2 kids and we are done. My husband and I have agreed on this. But yesterday, while cleaning out the garage and it came time to throw out the rocker or the swing, I just couldn’t do it.

    I also totally feel you on your infertility ride. We went through a ride ourselves. Many years and many procedures later, we have adopted two beautiful babies along the way.

    Glad to meet you!

  • Funny! I still get twinges and I had my tubes tied after 3 high risk pregnancies. My doc told me I could not possibly risk a pregnancy again. Now I settle for adoring little ones who belong to others. I have to say I enjoy being able to hug them and walk away.

  • adopt a 3 year old is a brilliant idea!!!!

    garys last blog post..Up and at ‘em!

  • I satisfy my twiges with friends’ babies. A couple of hours babysitting or just visiting, send them home and I’ve had my baby fix. I do remember those real twinges though.. vaguely. ;)

    Hilarys last blog post..September Stroll

  • So funny. So is this the type of situation that prompts men to get rid of things and throw them away? Does it just work on baby stuff? If I started hinting at a second husband, do you think my husband would start thinning out our man supplies around the house? Ooooh, my mind is spinning.

    The adoption angle is indeed brilliant. I have to confess, it is a thought in my head at the moment. I love kids. I’m too old mentally and physically to want to go down the baby road again. There is still more room in my home and heart for kids though.

    Lisa Ps last blog post..The Toy Myth

  • Tricia

    I wonder if women just twinge forever. Maybe that’s why becoming grandparents sounds like so much fun.

    Oh Lisa…man supplies? That deserves a whole post. You just have to spin that thought out.

  • Amy

    So we are expecting baby number six and I think we have less baby stuff then with baby number one … realization … you don’t need it all!!!!

    Now TOYS … any advice here? How do we get rid of toys???????

    Amys last blog post..An Attitude To Live By

  • Thanks for stopping by my place and I have to say…..I don’t think you ever stop having baby envy, even when you’ve got grandchildren. I sat in church this morning and couldn’t concentrate on the sermon for noticing all the adorable new babies sitting around me. I got a little sad thinking my next grandchild will probably be several years away since my youngest is 14 and the older ones are done having babies. sigh…..

    Midlife Slicess last blog post..Can’t We All Just Agree To Disagree?

  • That’s so funny!

    Now that my youngest is 4, I’ve gotten that baby ache quite a bit lately. I always wanted to have 4 children…but I’m too old for another now. I too battled years of infertility. I wanted to have my children young, to have 4 before I was 33. But that wasn’t in the cards.

    Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..Secret Santa Soiree

  • I think adoption sounds thrilling and if you decide to do it, I wish you all the best!!!! I had a horrible first pregnancy and Skip and I seriously considered adopting #2. Because of the expense, we decided to go ahead and try it again ourselves. Anyway, I sure do understand the whole desire to have more children in the house. Good luck no matter what you decide!

    HeatherPrides last blog post..And This One Time? At Swim Class?

  • LOL! Great post. My beautiful wife and I have been talking about Baby Number Three. She claims she’s done (whew!), and we’ve worked together to ‘disappear’ the baby gear (she’s great on ebay). I can imagine that in a couple years, the subject will come up again. I think I’m just like your husband – I would work behind the scenes to make the case for NOT having more kids, but in the end, I wouldn’t deny her if she really wanted another baby. I can’t deny her anything ;) .

    goodfathers last blog post..Zillow party!

  • I think if we were younger and more financially healthy, we would probably have another baby (we have five now)…

    Chriss last blog post..I Don’t Get It

  • Jan

    We have five children, ranging in age from 25 to 13.

    No more kids. Nope, not at my age. Fortunately, we’ve both been fixed so there’s no chance at that.

    Grandkids, though? I could stand me some grandkids…

    Jans last blog post..Further Proof I Am Weird

  • Tricia

    goodfather’s comment made my heart swoon. If he wasn’t obviously married to the beautiful and talented Julia, I’d get out my matchmaking hat and introduce him to a friend.

    And for the rest of my blog buddies…listen up. I adore you but you’re not helping my hypothetical case with all this talk of being too old. I am 36. My husband is 27 years older than I am. You do the math. That old thing? He has the same darn argument.

  • Jen

    Is it selfish of me to want you to have another? Don’t tell your husband though. You make adorable babies and you’re a caring, compassionate mom. We need more kids raised by people like you.

    Jens last blog post..I just don’t know

  • Tricia

    Jen: I’m misty eyed and humbled by such an amazing compliment. Thank you!

  • Jen

    Well don’t get used to it *grumble, grumble*

    trying to maintain my tough image! Smooches mama!

    Jens last blog post..Piaisms

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