Wondering on Wednesday … I’m so lucky, they say.
July 16th, 2008 • Related • Filed Under
I always find it odd when other women tell me how lucky I am that my husband does 99% of the cooking, and he does an equal share of house cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc.
I keep wondering … if both people work outside the home, but wives still do a greater percentage of domestic chores than husbands, is it in part because we don’t expect more?
If a wife automatically thinks it’s “luck” when a husband participates equally at home, doesn’t it say quite a bit about how we’re conditioned? Does it mean we continue to set the bar incredibly low?
What do you think?
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Comment by Jen on 16 July 2008:
I get told I’m “lucky” too. McHusband is very, very active in parenting and around the house. He tells me I’m a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home housekeeper - so he pitches in a ton around here - does ALL the night feedings, cleans, does bath time, etc.
I do think I’m lucky, but not that he helps. That he loves me.
I think it’s society - making the man the “man”. It’s utter crap and if we have a son in the future, he’ll be helping out around the house just as much as the girls. It’s not a “womans” work. This is his house, these are his children. He’d better have an active role.
Jens last blog post..We’re LIVE!
Comment by Amy on 16 July 2008:
I was always told by my grandmother that I was “spoiled” because my dearest hubby does his fair share! We agreed to all this together and so I agree with what Jen said … I am very lucky that he loves me and that we have built this family … as for our ‘roles’, each household has them, it is finding ones that everyone can agree on!
Amys last blog post..Happy Birthday Allyson
Comment by donna on 16 July 2008:
I think that as children we were conditioned by our parents to be this way. When I was growing up and when my children were growing up the woman did all the child raising, got the food on the table at night for her man while he relaxed after a hard day at work, and did all the house work. I know that when I was first married my husband did the same thing. He told me that marriage was a 50/50 deal he dirted the dishes and I did them, He dirted the clothes and I washed them. That was the way I was raised as well, I saw my mother do it. However after 37 years of marriage it has turned aroound and my husband helps me with all of the chores. So yes Tricia you are lucky to some degree.
Comment by judy haley (coffeejitters) on 16 July 2008:
Once upon a time, when a guy was breaking up with me, he gave me a very sage piece of advice. He said “guys will not do more than what’s expected of them.”
I’ve found that one piece of advice to be more consistently true than any other I have heard regarding men. It covers everything from relationship commitment to scrubbing toilets. If you expect them to man up and shoulder responsibility, they will. If you just do it for them, they have no motive to take those chores from you.
Comment by Mrs. G. on 16 July 2008:
Girl, my bar is low. I’ve learned to live with it and live in a messier house.
Mrs. G.s last blog post..If Mrs. G. Ran the Networks II
Comment by Mrs. Schmitty on 16 July 2008:
I have a hubby who works AND helps out around the house with dinner cooking, kid baths, laundry, cleaning. I stay at home but I have 3 children, 2 that are preschool, that are very demanding. I also run my own home business.
I take care of all scheduling, appointments, holidays, birthdays, organization, bills, etc.
I don’t think it’s too much for him to help out. I hate when other women tell me how lucky I am. I am lucky to have him, but not because he helps take care of his home and children too.
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Comment by Jan on 16 July 2008:
I’ve talked about this before, on my blog and commenting on others - Beloved and I split the chores pretty much 50/50. It’s not something we talk about, it’s just something that is done - we both work really long hours and if we both don’t pitch in to do it, it very likely won’t get done.
Lucky? Sure I’m lucky to have him. But he’s lucky to have me. And he damn well knows it.
Jans last blog post..Day 2, and A Contest
Comment by Memarie Lane on 16 July 2008:
Most men simply don’t contribute very much even when both spouses work. There was a time that I was working and my husband wasn’t, and I considered myself lucky if he so much as made the bed, let alone got dressed.
Comment by Brandygirl on 17 July 2008:
Well, you should know with my salmon porridge story, I am considered very “lucky” that my DH puts up with my cooking on weekdays whilst he does the cooking on weekends. We pretty much share our duties around the house. He throws the rubbish cuz I am so fearful that these pesky creepy crawlers will jump out of the bin. Since I’ve had a great career previously, I’ve never one to love doing household chores. But hey, he’s lucky to have me too! I make him laugh.
Brandygirls last blog post..To market, to market to buy some spare ribs!
Comment by donna on 17 July 2008:
Ok I have read all the comments on this matter and I have to say that all of the women who have the spouse that helps out around the house are probably young couples and their mothers raised them right. However I must say that comig from someone who knows when I say that you are lucky to have a husband that helps out then I mean that you are lucky.
Didn’t have it in the begining of my marriage and it took a long time to get there. And yes I consider my self lucky to have it now.
Been there, done that , and know what I am talking about.
Comment by gary on 17 July 2008:
I’m the cook and househusband all the rest, because I work at home, and the wife contributes a little cleaning. It works well for us, and I am lucky that she has steady pay and benefits because a potter’s income is up and down every month!
garys last blog post..smart people!
Comment by Insane Mama on 17 July 2008:
We pretty much split the duties around here, except when I am throwing tantrums, then I go to bed, and he does it for me
Insane Mamas last blog post..@#$%^%#
Comment by Wendy on 19 July 2008:
I stay home, so I do most of the housework because it’s my “job” and I get “paid” for it. Okay, okay! It just makes me feel better to think of it that way! But Thomas helps. He does the kids’ rooms (hehe), puts away the laundry, and is supposed to sweep, mop, and vacuums (rarely happens, though).
My mom scolds me because she says my dad *never* had to come home and do housework. I tell her that Thomas lives here, too, therefore, he should help. Also, my job is never ever over. The kids wake me up at least twice a night. Now my mom and dad are both retired and she complains because he won’t help in the house. Wonder why?
http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com
Wendys last blog post..Extreme
Comment by Tricia on 20 July 2008:
I read the other day that someone, somewhere had conducted a study and discovered having a husband added an average of seven hours of additional housework to a woman’s week. I’m laughing that this is actually a study subject.
Comment by WickedStepMom on 20 July 2008:
I am of the mind set that if we both work (being a parent counts as a job too), we share the household chores. I won’t settle (and haven’t) for anything less. But, then again, I have been told that I am a brat.
I can live with that.
WickedStepMoms last blog post..Home Sweet Home