Turn the Car Around. We’re Having a Baby
It’s time to go home. Dogs in their kennels, child in his seat, cooler packed and engine started. It was 5 a.m. and we were literally waving goodbye when my brother-in-law called. My sister was in labor and had been at the hospital through the night.
“Well,” I thought. “This could still take a long time. We’re practically already on the road. I need to get back to the office.” I turned to my husband who was sporting a hesitant question, “What do you want to do?” he asked.
“Let’s go. I’ll just fly back up in a couple of weeks. I want to go home.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Of course I’m sure. Drive. Please.”
He looked skeptical but put his foot on the accelerator and we left my parent’s house. We made it 30 miles before my husband noticed the silent tears and snot that were turning my face into a gruesome mess.
“Tricia,” he started. “Have I ever denied anything to you?”
“No,” I sniveled.
“Then why don’t you just say that you want to stay. I’m OK with leaving later. This is important to you and if you think I’m going to be upset, you’re wrong. Now for the last time, do you want me to turn around?”
I couldn’t’ even choke out the YES, so I simply shook my head up and down spraying the windshield with the foolish tears I couldn’t stop. I was obnoxiously emotional.
I think the truth about my hesitation to stay in Vermont or return to Georgia as scheduled had more to do with my growing fear that I’d not be able to keep myself in-check during a long hospital wait. I was worried that I’d fall to pieces, have a pity party or that I’d actually strangle the grandmothers and sister-in-law if they spent the waiting time recounting their own birth stories. But I wanted to be stronger than that. I wanted to get over myself enough that I could participate in this rite of passage. I wanted my sister to know I was there, that I wasn’t a selfish twit mired so deeply in my own infertility pain that I couldn’t participate in this celebration of life. I wanted my sister to know how delicious the thought is that she didn’t experience the pain I did on my road to motherhood. I wanted my sister to know how much I love her.
It was another 15 hours before my brother-in-law came to the hospital waiting room and invited family to see my sister and their gorgeous daughter, Hannah.
I expected to see a woman completely spent from 20 hours of laboring…a disheveled woman, her mane slicked back with her own perspiration, but that’s not what I found at all. There was my sister, looking even more beautiful than she did on her wedding day, and she was holding the most precious gift…her daughter.
When I walked into the room I of course immediately started with the eye fountains. I kissed my sister’s forehead and peeked at my niece’s long fingernails. My sister, knowing that her pregnancy had been bitter sweet for me, and now the realization that she had just endured the one experience I’ve longed for but will never have, she simply placed Hannah in my arms.
There were other people in the room who should have had first rights to this new family member. The grandmothers were eager to wrap their arms around their new seven pound, six ounce 20.5 inch granddaughter, but my sister knew. She knew I stayed so we could share this moment. She’ll be an outstanding mother, this little sister of mine. She knew falling in love with Hannah was exactly what my heart needed.
If you also think life's too short to be quiet, you can subscribe for your daily dose of Shout here.
All the sexual innuendo is much appreciated and the idea of trading out favors for studio time does seem like ...
Thanks love! This is a great idea!!!
Jens last blog post..My secret addiction 
Okay, I have to side with your hubby. Just because I know that passion. But you should DEFINITELY ...
Trica, i am sorry i missed you the weekend you came up to celebrate a birthday and wedding and a ...
My mom, 75, claims that what you have said is very true. I know...ewwww.
I think you just have more ...
I would ask for veto rights for any photos that he wants to keep. That way, you can veto ...
Well, um, swap some, you know, time in the sheets for some portrait practice? Kind of like "honey, do me, ...
C''mon now Tricia this one is easy. passion for passion right? a win win for both of you... a fair ...
Comment by Amy on 4 June 2008:
A big hug to you - with all my heart, I love you!
Comment by Shiela on 4 June 2008:
OMG - crying now! I am soooooo proud of both you and your sister. And I envy you this fantastic connection. Good job, both of you guys and Hannah is just adorable. What a beautiful name too - love it. Congrats on the new family member!
Comment by Nicole P on 4 June 2008:
I have chills and tears right now. Hugs to you!!
Comment by Brad on 4 June 2008:
:-((
Comment by Brad on 4 June 2008:
Er, maybe that should have been :’-)
Either way, its that male crying thing again.
Comment by Minnesota Matron on 4 June 2008:
Beautiful post, beautiful moment. Thank you!
Comment by Jan on 5 June 2008:
*sniff*
Okay, you’ve made me all misty-eyed.
You have no idea how hard that is to do.
Comment by Tricia on 5 June 2008:
You all make me feel so much less crazy than I actually am, and I really, really like that about you. Thanks for sharing this incredible moment with me.
Comment by Jenn @ Juggling Life on 6 June 2008:
Congratulations to you all!
Comment by WillThink4Wine on 6 June 2008:
Wow, how beautiful! Congratualtions on your new precious niece! I’m SO glad you stayed. I wasn’t there for any of my 3 sisters births. Coincidently, they all live in MA and NH, while I live in GA. Also, I spent 15 years in fertility, without being able to carry a pregnancy past the first trimester. I do have some understanding of how you feel. I know that pain and I also know the pure joy of that moment.
I thoroughly enjoy my nieces and nephews! I also look forward to my sister’s grandchildren, which may begin soon! My nephew & his wife just stopped taking the pill and are hoping for a new baby soon!
I’m so glad you visited me so I could enjoy this post!
May I also say that you have a most wonderful husband!
Comment by christy on 6 June 2008:
Congratulations!!! She is absolutely beautiful.
Comment by MomMega on 6 June 2008:
Wow. This post totally made me teary. I know that crying where you can’t even get the words out. I’m glad that you stayed and I bet your sister is too.
By the way, I was one of those sweaty, puffy, did-she-just-give-birth-to-a-litter-of-German-Shepherds women. Your sister is LUCKY!
Comment by Margaret on 9 June 2008:
Oh Tricia, this post belongs out there in a mainstream magazine somewhere. It’s so beautiful. Now if you’ll excuse, I need to go find a tissue.
And, congratulations!
Comment by Margaret on 9 June 2008:
me.
I meant to say “me” after “excuse”. And just like you described in your other post about wishing for a spell checker, I clicked SUBMIT and gasped in horror.
Now what spell checker would catch THAT?
Comment by Emily on 10 June 2008:
What a truly beautiful post. It always amazes me how much power love has to turn an event around and make you feel far differently than you expected. Congratulations all round…
Comment by Doug on 12 June 2008:
Congratulations to you, your sister and your entire family! Hannah is beautiful!!
Comment by Minnesota Matron on 12 June 2008:
I read this earlier but didn’t have time to comment. A great piece of writing that brings me right back to those precious first moments! There’s never enough of this miracle.
Minnesota Matrons last blog post..The Matron Apologizes
Comment by mama's losin' it on 14 June 2008:
Their is just something about a brand new baby, she’s beautiful. Congrats to your sister! You did the right thing…I have tears and goosebumps, what a sweet aunty…and I love your husband.
mama’s losin’ its last blog post..Saturdays Question
Comment by Manager Mom on 15 June 2008:
awww… CONGRATS! What a beautiful welcome to a much-loved little niece!
Manager Moms last blog post..It’s Good To Be Queen
Pingback by An Award and a skirt! : Shout on 22 June 2008:
[...] the blogsphere and each day they highlight something they like. Yesterday they chose my post, Turn The Car Around. We’re Having a Baby. I’m not sure if the post was nominated by someone else, or if their reviewers stumbled onto [...]
Comment by problemchildbride on 24 June 2008:
What a wonderfully human warm tale, and so beautifully told. I am much moved reading this. Congratulations to you all for this new addition to your family. Your own pain is deep but your sister’s love for you and your love for her and her baby are so true and beautiful as to ease it in the most wonderful way.
You are a dear and lovely woman to put aside your pain for your sister’s sake and I truly hope you find the peace you deserve. Your honesty and self-knowledge are beautiful in and of themselves and your niece, most assuredly has a lovely aunt to love and look up to.
problemchildbrides last blog post..Incommoded