Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.

— Winston Churchill

Stop Pooping in the Pool, Please

We have a really cool neighborhood pool. This pool, the mother of all pools, means we don’t have to schlep to some jam-packed, water-filled amusement park for the sake of creating childhood memories. This pool is one of the reasons we chose our neighborhood. This pool is supposed to be where Aaron spends his summers frolicking with sun-kissed cheeks. This pool is where children like to poop, apparently.

Last year we started strong. Lots of summer fun.

Then, Aaron broke his leg and spent the majority of his summer in a body cast.

Fast forward to ‘08 and we’re ready to make up for lost time. Our pool is open. Aaron is ready to splish and splash. He has cool new “swimming pants” and is registered for swimming lessons.

Here’s the problem. Our pool keeps closing. Kids keep crapping in the beautiful blue water, a catastrophic happening that requires 24-hours of down time and chemical shocking. It’s ridiculous, really. I don’t want to swim in kiddie poop and I don’t want Aaron to either. Heck we get enough fish poop from the rivers and lakes. I’m sure the chemicals they use to “shock” the pool are much better for us.

I’m sending out a plea to parents everywhere…

The pool is only open for a short amount of time and not only do we want to enjoy the summer indulgence, we are on a mission to make up for lost time. So please, figure out a way to stop the crap. I don’t care what you have to do, but there must be a way you can stop the leakage. Most public and neighborhood pools require that children who are not potty trained wear some sort of swim diaper.

I’ll even make your life easy. You don’t have to make a special shopping trip. You can order these here

And, if these don’t work? Well, you know what to do.

Come on. You’re a parent…a job that requires lots and lots of imagination and making it up as you go along.

Just get a roll of duct tape.

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17 comments to Stop Pooping in the Pool, Please

  • Oh my gosh, that is horrible!!

  • Shiela

    Your neighborhood doesn’t have those signs up on the gates about kids having to wear swim diapers? Ours has a one printed with red ink on the gate and – no pun intended – it scared the crap out of me every year the kids weren’t potty trained that they would be the reason the pool was closed, even though they had swim diapers on AND rubber pants over those! Even though Anna is now potty trained I still have the lurking doubt in the back of my mind that she may get so wrapped up in playing that she will have an accident. Accidents I can understand, but people who just don’t put the swim diapers on the kids, no excuse. Your neighborhood is pretty big so the offenders can blend into the background, blame it on the dog so to speak. But ours is so small, every time it happens, EVERYone knows who it is! The shame of it all!

  • That’s just plain gross. That’s why I have avoided our town pool for years. Now that my kids are getting older, I may look into it. Before my kids were potty trained I would put them in a disposable swim diaper AND a regular one with the elastic legs. Double duty to avoid the…well, doody. And mind you, this was for OUR kiddie pool in our yard.

  • Tricia

    We received an email from the neighborhood property manager today and they’re going to start selling rubber pants poolside. No more excuses, unless of course you’re the parent who’s child apparently vomited in the pool, which also requires the pool to be closed.

    Shiela: They do have signs posted, but people are ignoring them. I think people just think, “not my kid,” but I’m with you. I used to worry Aaron would be THE ONE.

    I’m starting to think Mrs. Schmitty is dead on. Oh and this is funny…the life guards have been instructed to blow their whistles every hour and to announce that it’s time for parents to bring their children to the bathroom. Geezzz, does everyone really need that much hand holding?

  • Sheesh… This is hilarious and gross all at the same time.
    Parents, please get some duct tape or quit feeding your kids, one or the other

  • not the pooping in the pool! how is it possible that poop is such a huge part of being a parent. poop is like the number one blog subject.

  • Are these repooprepeat offenders? I say, kick them out for at least a couple of weeks. (Of course, who’s going to own the poop?)

  • Brad

    Rat out the poopers. Take a sample. Do a DNA Test. Then fine the hell out of the parents. Make them pay for the clean up costs. If need be, foreclose on the lien and get rid of the nasty people. Heck, maybe just the “threat” of assessing the costs of cleanup against them would encourage more responsible behavior.

  • Tricia

    Well Brad has answered Half-Past Kissin’ Time’s question of who’s going to own the deed. There’s no need to make claim, the DNA test will suffice just fine. I nominate Brad for pool pop patrol. All in favor say, “I” Or, truly, take Insane Mama’s advice and simply stop feeding the kids, although the damn life guards may start whistle blowing on that one, too. Toot once for the potty, twice for snack time.

    And Madge, My God are you right. Nobody ever warned me that parenting would include countless hours of discussing kid crap with my spouse, literally. Just this afternoon I was talking with my sister (who’s a new mom) and what was she worried about? You got it, the baby hasn’t pooped.

  • We just came back from our neighborhood pool. If I had read this before we left, we might not have gone!

    Just ewww.

  • You crack me up. Why wouldn’t all moms use swim diapers? Hello!! Good luck with the pool being opened next week. I am just sitting jealous. We don’t have a good neighborhood pool.

  • Oh my! Glad we have our own private pool.

    I’m loving your blog by the way. I’m finally returning comments left during my vacation week from hell. Your blog is very intelligent and witty. I’ll be checking in often. It’s a very refreshing read.

    bridgets last blog post..My 15 minutes are up

  • [...] an actual statistical reference to my own personal insanity and inability to focus—from “kids pooping in the pool” to, “I can’t stop being violent to my wife“. The second reference [...]

  • Melissa Mann

    I just found your site when I was looking for info on children in full body casts- our daughter has special needs and is most probably going to need a spinal surgery and then a full body cast that , I think, is going to be similar to your son’s. Our daughter is 13 and has mental and physical disabilities but that aside I am looking for info from parents-of typical or special needs children that have gone through casting –on things like going to the bathroom (our daughter is potty trained), sleeping, – any tips on how to make it comfortable for her. Did you learn anything that might help other parents deal with the situation? Any hints that help? If you have any suggestions-no matter how silly or inconsequential it may seem-please let me know. We are worried, obviously, and I just want to make sure we will be doing all we can to help our daughter get through this.

    Thanks sooo much!! (and hope the pooping in the pool stopped!)

    Melissa Mann

  • Very nice information in your blog. Yes, I agree on you. The parents should know how to deal on this kind of situation specially when it comes to their children.

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