Wondering on Wednesday
Why can heterosexual, married women refer to each other as girlfriends but we can’t refer to male friends as boyfriends?
“Honey, I’m going to meet a girlfriend for coffee.”
“Have a great time. Will you pick up mustard on your way home?”
If a woman said, “Honey, I’m going to meet my boyfriend for coffee,” the conversation would be much different. The questions…the attitude…the need to hire a private detective…
Is it because when a guy hears his wife say, “my girlfriend” he…a) thinks the encounter is completely normal girl time, or b) he has that all-male fantasy about two bi-women which cancels out his homophobia?
What do you call your opposite-sex friends?
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Comment by donna on 30 April 2008:
I guess that it depends on rather or not your “boyfriends ” are gay.
When I tell my husband that I am going to have coffe or go shopping with the boyfriends he knows exactly what I am talking about. I guess it depends on how long you have been married and how insecure that you are. My husband is my boyfriend.
Comment by Brad on 30 April 2008:
Despite several attempts to write a comment, no comment.
Comment by Shiela on 30 April 2008:
You know - I don’t think I have ever heard Todd refer to his female friends as “girlfriends.” If he did I might take pause. However, he has several “work wives” which has never bothered me. I am and continue to be grateful to the women who have taken that role - he needs caretaking during the day
He has also been known to be in the company of several females (of which I am well aquainted) when out of town (work for him, vaca for them) and again - not a problem here. But the situation is different than what may be implied if they were referred to as “girlfriends”. Hmmmmmmmm…
Comment by Tricia on 1 May 2008:
Donna…you’re right. If your boyfriends are gay, it’s completely a non-issue. By the way, I think every heterosexual woman should have a gay companion. Completely platonic boy/girl fun…and the guy knows more about fashion…it’s the perfect combination.
Shiela…maybe calling male friends, “guy friends” is a platonic alternative. Can guys call female friends their “gal pals”?
Comment by Doug on 2 May 2008:
I guess it’s ultimately the power of semantics. What’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander and vice-versa. For guys, we wouldn’t refer to a female friend as a “girlfriend,” because that would result in shock and horror. No different when you flip it.
When I’m going to hang out with my brother and the guys, we call it “man night” because it’s masculine sounding. We don’t want to misconstrue activities that include talking about guns and boobs, listening to Howard Stern, watching monkeys fart on YouTube and watching ‘Escape From New York’ for the umpteenth time.
Comment by Tricia on 3 May 2008:
Brad: Tongue tied…you?
Doug: Do you REALLY watch the monkeys on YouTube? Guns and boobs, more power to you, but the monkeys…really? I like the term, “Man Night”, very masculine, indeed. On Woman Nights, we talk a lot about boobs, too.
Shiela: Interesting that the term “wife” is less threatening than “girlfriend” isn’t it. Do you think the term “wife” has taken the meaning of, “that nagging woman who eats too much chocolate and gives me grief about all things masculine”, but “girlfriend” brings forth visions of women with perky breasts and long legs who never touch carbs? Damn, it’s jut not fair.
Comment by Shiela on 3 May 2008:
Yes Tricia, sadly it has that connotation for a lot of men. Hopefully not a lot of the men I know, but I fear most men in general have that idea.