I’m the oldest of three, the Alpha Sibling, the type-A personality who believes it’s my birth right to boss everyone else around. For more than 30 years I’ve taken this role quite seriously, but it’s come to my attention that I may be losing my grip on the pedestal. In fact, my crown is at risk.

My little sister has become sassy, really sassy. She even went ahead and developed lots and lots of opinions of her very own (and they’re different than mine). She doesn’t have a problem calling my bluffs, she’s mastered the art of guilting, and she thinks it’s OK to point out my flaws and any behavioral issues I’m suffering. The other day I was recounting the antics of a parent-child power struggle to her. She laughed and said, “Have you forgotten that he’s four and you’re 36?”

She’s obviously forgotten who’s the Alpha Sibling. The transition is fairly new…she’s been testing the waters for about two years. I though it was cute at first…ah look, my baby sister is maturing, coming into her own, isn’t that wonderful. Now, I’m just ready for this madness to stop. It used to be so simple…I said, “Jump” and she said, “How high?”

When my little sister was rejected by her college of choice (and the only one she applied to, duh!), she was aimless, feeling sorry for herself and becoming more and more involved with the boyfriend from hell (a.k.a The Schmuck).

Worried that she’d end up married, barefoot and pregnant before she could legally buy a bottle of wine, I tried coaxing her to move 1200 miles away from her family (and The Schmuck, of course). I invited her to join my husband and I in Atlanta, and to take some time to reevaluate her next steps. She was hesitant to leave our parents and her friends (and The Schmuck, of course).

I was convinced she was simply young and stupid, and I of course knew better than she. As the older, caring, control-freak sister, I simply took matters into my own hands.

I wanted her to know she had choices and to broaden her perspectives (and to get away from The Schmuck, of course.) I borrowed her identity, applied to a junior college in the city where I was living, obtained copies of her high school transcript, submitted everything to admissions, and then I waited. When the acceptance letter came I called my sister and in my happiest, most-excited voice, I explained that she had been accepted to a college in Atlanta (surprise, surprise. Can you believe it, isn’t it so exciting…) and her orientation was scheduled for such-and-such date. My husband and I were planning a vacation in New England toward the end of summer, and we’d pick her up then…I had everything planned.

If someone did this for me, I’d lose any sense of humor I otherwise enjoy. I’d have kicked and screamed…told my sister to back off, and because someone was trying to make me do something that wasn’t my idea, I’d have ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction…most likely into the arms of The Schmuck, of course. My sister did none of this. She was surprised and a little angry, but she agreed.

A decade later we laugh at my audacity and her acceptance of it. We laugh that my plot did in fact eliminate The Schmuck from her life (of course) and we laugh because there’s no way in hell she’d allow this to happen today. In fact, she’s no longer aimless or young and stupid. She’s all grown up, a professional in her own rite, happily married and expecting her first child. I love to see her flourish in her grown-up life, but there’s something terribly troublesome about this transition from child to woman when it’s your kid sister doing all the morphing. You expect your children to grow up and become independent adults, but there’s nothing that prepares you for sibling adulthood.

She and her husband hosted the family for Christmas this winter. It was such a nice turn-of-events that our Mom actually passed the stockings on to my sister (this is a very, very, very big deal). With everyone’s Christmas stockings whispering to her from some unknown storage area in her house, my sister’s courage seems to be on the rise. When I made mention that since I’m the Alpha Sibling, I should be keeper-of-the-stockings. My sister’s response was, “Well, if you’d move home this wouldn’t be a problem. You could host all the family holidays. It’s unacceptable for you to live 1200 miles away and wouldn’t it be nice if I could spend more time with my nephew (I mentioned that she’s mastered sarcasm AND the guilting thing, right?).”

In response to her obvious plans for mutiny, I’ve hidden the Alpha-Sibling crown and informed little sis that she’s grounded until further notice.

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